Trying to stay calm
ok, im trying to think rationally. ok im broke, i cant get back to work full time, but the few days i do work the sitters are out in belfair. the sticks, where i am now. even when i get my child support, IF i get the back pay in a lump sum, and if i get what i want, i would not have enough money to move out. it did look like i was going to have a sitter till september, but that fell through too. i dont know where im suposed to go. i should just stay here. i dont know what else to do. im stuck it seems. but its so hard to handle. always playing a game, who said what, watching what i say, diciphering what is true and what is not. im not made for that stuff. it drives me nuts. even my sister stirs things up. i just want away from here, i want my baby away from here. good for visit. bad for live. so the question is. say i get the max, and a lump sum in back pay, i still owe them here about 800 or so for my horses. totally not enough to move out, around 2,000 left over. and what if my car cops out? and furniture, and all that jazz.... there are too many what if's for me to feel comfortable in any situation right now. i know.... the universe will provide... but its hard to not constantly think and stress about this crap. and i do want to move to az. i need to save up as much as possible for that. the best way to save money, to get ahead easier in the future is to stay where im at or move with my mom for now. but im just not sure i can handle it. i just want to throw things at people. i hate all this fake stuff, he said she said, why cant people just tell the damn truth. and stop stressing me out. things arent such a big deal. but i feel like its a big deal because eveeryone stresses, and it makes me stress. wish i could block it all out.