Trying to recoving from an affair.
My world as I knew it came to an end when I learned of my husband having an affair. It knocked me down so hard that I am still two and a half years later trying to pick myself up. I don't cry everyday like I did for over a year but I am still extremely sad every day. I have tried mindfulness techniques, meditation, simple positive thinking, exercise, etc. and nothing seems to work to help get me out of my funk.
I am so tired of trying to make this marriage work and trying to be a better person. I have just stopped doing anything else for this marriage. I only do for myself and my kids. I have pulled away and I don't care. I am no longer in love with my husband and most of the time I do not like him.
Our relationship has gotten worse because I can no longer have a conversation with him without him getting defensive and argumentative. He still does not take ownership for having the affair. He still to this day responds that I played a part in him having an affair. He constantly refers to me as being mean, nasty, bitch and the most recent name he called me was a cunt. He called me that after we argued about him watching another woman in front of me.
I have a lot of resentment and every time I try to work on it something always seems to remind me about the affair and what I was doing for him during the affair.
As much as I try to work on me I still feel worthless, ugly, stupid, unattractive to others and unwanted. I am a recent graduate with a counseling degree. So I know all about the importance of self-care and I practice it as much as I can. However, when you are at your lowest it is extremely difficult to do anything for yourself and when you do, most times it doesn't work. :-(
I am trying really hard to look at this affair and how it is affecting me as a learning tool that I can use with future clients. Empathy will definitely my strong point. LOL Now if only I can find a job as a therapist.
I do believe in the notion that this will make me a stronger person but it has weakened me beyond a point that I did not think I was capable of feeling. I have always prided myself in being strong and capable of overcoming any obstacles in my life. I have met my match and I am losing fast.
I am so tired of trying to make this marriage work and trying to be a better person. I have just stopped doing anything else for this marriage. I only do for myself and my kids. I have pulled away and I don't care. I am no longer in love with my husband and most of the time I do not like him.
Our relationship has gotten worse because I can no longer have a conversation with him without him getting defensive and argumentative. He still does not take ownership for having the affair. He still to this day responds that I played a part in him having an affair. He constantly refers to me as being mean, nasty, bitch and the most recent name he called me was a cunt. He called me that after we argued about him watching another woman in front of me.
I have a lot of resentment and every time I try to work on it something always seems to remind me about the affair and what I was doing for him during the affair.
As much as I try to work on me I still feel worthless, ugly, stupid, unattractive to others and unwanted. I am a recent graduate with a counseling degree. So I know all about the importance of self-care and I practice it as much as I can. However, when you are at your lowest it is extremely difficult to do anything for yourself and when you do, most times it doesn't work. :-(
I am trying really hard to look at this affair and how it is affecting me as a learning tool that I can use with future clients. Empathy will definitely my strong point. LOL Now if only I can find a job as a therapist.
I do believe in the notion that this will make me a stronger person but it has weakened me beyond a point that I did not think I was capable of feeling. I have always prided myself in being strong and capable of overcoming any obstacles in my life. I have met my match and I am losing fast.
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