trying to push past my fears...again
I've been off the wellbutrin for a little over a week now I think (I decided not to keep track) and am feeling back to 'normal'. The only thing is that the last day on wellbutrin, when I had the severe reaction, I got myself and the dogs stuck in the park, and it took forever before I managed to get us home again. Since then I've been scared to go and walk the dogs by myself. I did relatively ok with my son walking with us, I know at first there were the withdrawal symptoms so that explained why I was unsure on my feet, but now, with the meds out of my system, it's just plain old fear that I have to push past again. I've put it off till last night and finally decided to take them last night. It went ok but it was getting dark out already, and I walk better in the dark.This morning it's bright out. I've had my breakfast, am dressed and the dogs are happily waiting, wanting to go. I'm sitting here, sweating like crazy, my body is trying to get a migraine and I'm scared to go. Scared that once I'm away from my home, my legs will feel like rubber again, scared that once I round the corner I'll lose my balance and not be able to get back, scared that there is no one to help me out if I get in trouble. Scared, scared, scared.I've been agoraphobic for so long now and have been back at this starting gate so many times, and it seems that each time it's harder to push myself past that fear again. I would dearly love it if once, just once, I didn't have to deal with that fear. If once, i could just stay home for a few days and then have it be easy to go out again. But I have to go each day or the next day it's harder for me. I have to do it, it's not going to be easier tomorrow if I skip out today. so wish me luck...
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I have a miserable cold. one of those colds that has me hanging on the couch, with kleenex, water and nasal spray next to me. My snuggle blankies are tight around me, my pillow is holding up my head and I am spending my day watching old Big Brother episodes. That and sleeping.
I don\'t have a fever but feel like I must have. Only the thermometer doesn\'t lie.
Still, these are the times when I KNOW I am sick and I allow myself to be sick.
It\'s day 3 now and I am not sleeping well, I\'ve never been able to sleep when my nose is plugged up.
Hubby and I did go and walk the dogs this evening. It\'s been nice out all day and the sun warmed up the living room. But I slept through most of it. Drink water, sleep, snort nasal spray, sleep, drink water, bathroom break...and repeat.lol
The little walk with the dogs felt good. I always forget that I really do enjoy walking them, once I am out of the populated area and on the field. it did us all good.
Tomorrow I think it might be time for me to stop being sick. I don\'t want to keep lying on the couch, this being my most beloved time of year I don\'t want to miss too much of it. As long as it doesn\'t rain, the dogs and I will wander out and see the trees change color and watch the geese fly overhead and enjoy the wind in our hair.
Let\'s just hope I can do it without the stupid cold, I think 3 days of feeling like death warmed over is plenty!
Sounds like you suffer terribly with social anxiety. I too am afflicted with this ailment. Can not attend group events, or even hang around people very long without freaking out. I work from home because of this crippling illness! Therapy and meditation can help. I suggest you look into it~Good Luck.