Trying to not blame me and try again.

Why can't I learn to make myself happy??  Why can I never feel good enough?  Married to a "child, that liked to drink" for 18 years, took good care of him and two kids, house, etc... 18 years.  Did a great job at it to.  Very unhappy because I wasn't loved, just used.  Got strong and out of that.  Two months later met a man I loved in high school, sure this was "Our Time" fell head over heals!!  He went along and lead me to believe he was my future!  Helped him build a new house, picked out everthing together, even took a week off to help him move in and decorate!  Thought I was happy and set but something didn't feel right.  Found out Sunday it was all a big lie!  He had kept seeing his ex (who was just a booty call by both of their admissins) because he says he loved me, too much (Ha Ha) and he didn't want to be in a really commited relationship OMG (48 never married,guess I should have seen it coming).  But again feel used!  Why am I not happy without someone?  Why am I never enough for a man to give me his best?  Don't even have the desire to want to meet new people, but I HATE ALONE!!!