Trying to move on
Got remarried, been married 5 months now. Changing my name has actually helped. I don't see that name anymore so out of sight out of mind.
I love my new husband, But I am not in love with him. I will never be 'in love' again. I'm doing everything I can to move on and it's gotten better, it better have, it's been 6 years, but i still have a broken heart. I miss my ex husband, I miss my old job, I miss my old life, but nothing I can do about it. It seems like I have been condemned to have a life sentence with this broken heart.
My family thinks I am so happy now and have moved on, but I lie and put on the clown face because I don't want to see them sad that I am sad. I hate being fake for this was everything I was ever against. But this is me now, fake, with my fake life, trying to tell my family how well I am doing.
This is the only place I am able to vent without judgement nor do I want to see my family sad for I love them so much.
At some point every day I cry, so sick of crying. It gets old. My new husband is so good to me but is so different from the life that I once had. He does not make good money so the financial burden is always on me. It bothers me because my ex husband did everything for me. I had security, but the trade off was his infidelity and asking me for a divorce. I don't need him to pay for everything but I sure wish it was at least 50/50 which it is not. it is all on me.
I believe in God and have prayed incessantly to mend my broken heart, but i get nothing. And God has answered many of my prayers, but this one goes on deaf ears for some reason.
Gonna try to take a placement exam for my community college once again to pass the math portion and start taking classes to further my education with Technology, which is what I love.
In the last 3 years I have traveled to 8 countries around the world, buried 6 relatives and one friend, got married, and found out my new husband's son is going to give us our first grandchild. My rental house that I had in my first marriage sold and I have some money in the bank and I am in excellent health. You would think that with all this going on that somehow I should be happy, that I need to be grateful for there are so many others in a terrible situation than me. That I should appreciate my life. I am so confused, I have always been a happy and humorous person until 6 years ago when my world came crashing down. I have volunteered, worked out, done things for others and yet I am still sad. People say it gets better but when? Do I have another 6 years of pain to go thru? when? I just want to be that happy person I once was for I know that feeling and I want it back. Not to much to ask for huh? Maybe this is my karma for something i did as a stupid kid, but how long do I have to pay?
I love my new husband, But I am not in love with him. I will never be 'in love' again. I'm doing everything I can to move on and it's gotten better, it better have, it's been 6 years, but i still have a broken heart. I miss my ex husband, I miss my old job, I miss my old life, but nothing I can do about it. It seems like I have been condemned to have a life sentence with this broken heart.
My family thinks I am so happy now and have moved on, but I lie and put on the clown face because I don't want to see them sad that I am sad. I hate being fake for this was everything I was ever against. But this is me now, fake, with my fake life, trying to tell my family how well I am doing.
This is the only place I am able to vent without judgement nor do I want to see my family sad for I love them so much.
At some point every day I cry, so sick of crying. It gets old. My new husband is so good to me but is so different from the life that I once had. He does not make good money so the financial burden is always on me. It bothers me because my ex husband did everything for me. I had security, but the trade off was his infidelity and asking me for a divorce. I don't need him to pay for everything but I sure wish it was at least 50/50 which it is not. it is all on me.
I believe in God and have prayed incessantly to mend my broken heart, but i get nothing. And God has answered many of my prayers, but this one goes on deaf ears for some reason.
Gonna try to take a placement exam for my community college once again to pass the math portion and start taking classes to further my education with Technology, which is what I love.
In the last 3 years I have traveled to 8 countries around the world, buried 6 relatives and one friend, got married, and found out my new husband's son is going to give us our first grandchild. My rental house that I had in my first marriage sold and I have some money in the bank and I am in excellent health. You would think that with all this going on that somehow I should be happy, that I need to be grateful for there are so many others in a terrible situation than me. That I should appreciate my life. I am so confused, I have always been a happy and humorous person until 6 years ago when my world came crashing down. I have volunteered, worked out, done things for others and yet I am still sad. People say it gets better but when? Do I have another 6 years of pain to go thru? when? I just want to be that happy person I once was for I know that feeling and I want it back. Not to much to ask for huh? Maybe this is my karma for something i did as a stupid kid, but how long do I have to pay?
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