Trying to move on.

For me its been a couple of months already since I had my first miscarriage. I was 12 weeks along and had no idea no weight gain, no cravings, nothing. I never had a regular period so to skip for so long was nothing new to me....I didnt suspect a thing. Pains started to hit me in my lower abdomen-bad pains. I went to the doctor to for a check up...that day was the worst day for me. I was told I was almost 12 weeks pregnant and they had to take the baby out right away! It turns out he/she was growing in my fallopian tube. Doctor said the only way to save my life was to get rid of him/her. After that I bled alot! For a couple of weeks and was hit hard with depression so my healing process has been very slow.  I have the worst guilt about what happened. I feel like its all my fault. I should have done something to save my baby's life. No one understands. My boyfriend says he hurts too but he will never feel the way I do. I cant seem to get out of this slump. Everyday is a constant struggle to not break down and cry. I try and try to snap out of it but I cant. Tomorrow I'll try again.