Trying To Let Go...It's Been So Long.

What do you say? When she can't even look at you square in the face. Everything I worked so hard for thrown away. She traded in my love, and I had to deal with that pain & I never knew her to be like that & to make it never happen would be my only wish. I'm here on my own, but the crazy part is seeing how much I haven't grown. I cannot stop these tears I cry, she is the one I need in my life. I am so weak I don't think I will get over this. I didn't want my heart to be someones game. The mess we made & leaving me to clean it up. I know this will mess things up tonight, but god it feels so good to close my eyes. & now all I do is sit in this empty room, and curse every nerve & knor out my brain to let me stop thinkin' about her. I know I try to hide it, but everyone sees my empty stare. I heard she is so arrogant, but I don't even care the way she touches my face makes me melt inside & kills me to think it was a lie, and how easy it is to roll her eyes. I just don't understand. I need her without her I'm dead. I think it's all in my head, but I don't know what else to do...I cannot go on not loving her I can't keep picturing her with him it hurts so fucking bad :( Now that I realize that I'm going down from all this pain she puts me through. It straight feels like a lifetime, and that one thousand days have passed by since I held her close to me. & if I could just see my friend I know that I could live again I need to be restored. Even though she is so far away I hope there is a place in her heart I will always stay :'( Because lately I have been taking the worst amount of damage. I never noticed what it feels like to be without it feels like I took my last step & my last breath & that my life is ending I have to tell her how I am feeling because this sun doesn't shine without her...I finally see there is NO substitue for what we had. I still have dreams though, but that's where I have to go to see her beautiful face anymore. :'(