Trying To Help

Friday, August 29, 2008 – 7:10 P.M. I would like to spend a lot of my time writing what I think about our American politicians, especially those who are in the process of trying to become the next president and vice president of this country. Watching them on television is bad enough, but putting my thoughts in print might tend to be downright masochistic.   During the past week, I have spent some of my time trying to get through a period of deepening depression, by turning my eyes away from my computer screen, and toward the TV screen. In the long run, that only made me feel worse.   I became entrenched in trying to find solutions for problems I have been facing. The answers were there, but they were difficult to find, and long in coming.   The worse my depression became, the more embittered I became toward my life. There were moments when I wanted to end my life once and for all. I felt that all it would take was an overdose of crack cocaine, which remains easily accessible to me.     Something unexpected occurred, which turned my thoughts in another direction. I learned that one of the CNA’s who helps me has been using “pot,” and also said something about using crack cocaine as well. She said those days were behind her, but I had the distinct impression that she was still using them.   I do not normally make a habit of telling others about my former drug life. My family and those persons who have worked with me to stop using drugs, as well as some members of DS are the only ones I talk with about that time in my life.   Because I wanted to try stopping someone who helps me from making a big mistake in her life, I told this person a lot about what I had done and the problems that these mistakes had brought to my life. She sat in my kitchen listening to every word that I spoke.   I talked until it was time for her to leave. She grabbed my hand as she walked to the door. She squeezed my hand and thanked me as she left.   The only thing I had wanted to do was to be of help to her. I hope it worked.