Trying to go on

As much as I want Justin back I know it will never happen not in a million years here on earth.I'll see him sometime.But I have his love and memories in my heart (whats left of it.)I need to try and focus on my family I don't think they know me anymore.They don't understand I don't want to go anywhere.Ashli and I walked the dogs 2 nights ago but haven't done it since did go out last night and picked blackberries you have to fight the June Bugs.When Mike got home last night I was asleep but I got up.Rebecca, Ashli and I went to pool today.Ashli said there is one of Justin's friends I didn't go talk to him but I bet I spent 15 minutes watching everthing he did.What a sick way to feel.I have been doing better my crying is not so intense but I do cry silently in my heart sometimes I cry out of nowhere but for the far part I'm doing better today.I can't bring him back I just cling to the memories good or bad Justin has been into trouble in his life just petty things not paying fines and Mom going up to the city jail to bail him out at 3:30 am I didn't even know where the jail was and I have lived here all my (almost) life.I ask some elderly man cleaning the parking lot where is the jail I had to walk a block to get there but I did it.Some days I do good. Sometimes days I do good but it always ends up at the beginning our live's are like rollar coaster hang on tight cause it's going to hurt.Love To All,jfm24,Vicki