Trying to get into doctor
I had a tenative appt scheduled with a pychiatrist next Monday however it is looking like I won't be making it. Everything must revolve around my full time job. Certain important duties fall during the month so I have to work around them. Looks like I won't get in until next month. I really need to go and get on a different med. The holidays are fastly approaching and even as busy as I am now, I can't seem to get out of this funk. The situation Im in is getting more difficult to handle. Roomie came out and ask me if he should "let me go". I should have said yes but, that wouldve opened up a bigger pandora's box. I continue to sleep in the other bedroom. Today I am thinking it is only fair to let him go so that he can be happy. It is not his fault that I am so indecisive. My head and heart are fighting one another. It is hard carrying this burden. I carry it at work and do a good job at hiding my emotions. I'm a functional depressive I guess. I was told to repress my feelings when I was little and only show happiness-this has worked well for me in my adult life. But, it weighs so heavily on me. Guilt, anger, self loathing...sadness. I wish I could have peace of mind.
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Feel free to not answer and/or get rude with my meddling, buttttttttaaaaaaa. . . If the charade of showing only happiness has worked so well for you, how did you come to be so unhappy?
Just wondering with full awareness that it is not mine to sort.
Continued support while you work it through, Sage.
For what it's worth:
I have come to find more moments of peace since I have started looking for and appreciating the moments rather than holding out for the full monty.
Years ago, I use to go to a psychiatrist and my second day there, she said she lost my records but remembered what I said. That lady had a photographic memory that amazed me! I also saw a guy for therapy on another occasion. The only thing I liked about seeing him was that we were both runners and we use to go run for an hour and have therapy while running....so cool!
Over time, I realized I was just as intelligent as they were. I could predict what they were going to tell me before they opened their mouth. So long story short, It didn't work for me so I hope you have better luck then I did. It was many years later that I realized my problem had an easy solution. I had been neglecting that spiritual part of me for many years and when I started reading spiritual books, all my problems magically disappeared!
God Bless
Arfie,
I was just saying that I'm good at playing the happy person yet, I'm drowning inside. It is a mask-a charade as you call it. Ive tried covering those things up with alcohol (which) I am trying to stay away from. Yes, I guess I put everything on hold for the ultimate outcome-maybe it's good you get lost along the way and appreciate those side tracks. I'm trying-maybe instead of working toward something that may not happen-just enjoy the minute to minute of things that happen my way.
I tried. I know I'm doing good when I start putting things into the house. But, as of yet, like before, I've seemed to halt those activities because I consume myself with trying to be more on my own. I did manage to keep the psychiatrist appt. But, they are putting me with the nurse practitioner so I don't know what that means-different pills? Could just be intake initially.
Bobinmaine-I can't wait to unload some of the mental burden I'm carrying.
Yea, I believe that sometimes lost is the best place to be. I have made many of my most amazing breakthroughs when I was lost. I think being sincerely, fully lost helps me open myself to possibilities my control freakitis would never let me consider on a familiar path.
For what it's worth
I loved every one of the psychiatric nurse practitioners I have worked with. They have handled the "heavy lifting" with supervision from the psychiatrist and it was a highly productive arrangement. The arrangement follows lines similar to what are now traditional in medical offices. Personally, I like the arrangement, allot. I believe nurses tend to be more earthy than doctors.