Trying to forgive
Yesterday I read a post in the Divorce after twenty years group about forgiveness. I started wondering if I know how to forgive, I'm not sure I've ever forgiven anyone who has hurt me deeply. Today I will forgive some...
At this point, I cannot forgive my first stepdad for the abuse he subjected me to until I was 9 years old.
I forgive my Mom. I've never really held any bad feelings towards my Mom for the abuse I endured with stepdad #1. When she learned of it, she protected me. Sometimes I thought she could have and should have done better but being a Mom myself I now know she did the best she could so I forgive you Mom just in case there's any subconscious grudges.
I forgive my second stepdad who treated me as though he hated me during my high school years. It hurt really bad and made feel worthless when he wouldn't talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. I know you/we had struggles and I forgive you Dad.
I forgive my first long term boyfriend for cheating on me and controlling me. That relationship ruined my high school years. I wasn't strong enough to leave before the damage was done. I don't even think you knew what you were doing. I forgive you JAM.
I forgive my second long term boyfriend for cheating and breaking my heart. We were together twice as long and bf#1. I thought we were headed towards the dream life. Instead bf#2, you were headed towards alcoholism and other women. I forgive you KEP.
I think I'm done for today. I do feel better and realized that I've left all the so's in my life for the same reason...cheating. I also realized with great appreciation that if I had not left these other guys, my life would have been totally different. My stbxh wasn't always a jerk. We were a happy family with 3 kids, happy for many years. I may not have known all the good that came out of my marriage without going through the first two relationships. And although they don't compare to the pain and heartbreak of my marriage ending, at that time after 2 and 4 years together, they were devastating.
Next on my list to forgive will be myself before stbx. As I'm not all the way there yet.
At this point, I cannot forgive my first stepdad for the abuse he subjected me to until I was 9 years old.
I forgive my Mom. I've never really held any bad feelings towards my Mom for the abuse I endured with stepdad #1. When she learned of it, she protected me. Sometimes I thought she could have and should have done better but being a Mom myself I now know she did the best she could so I forgive you Mom just in case there's any subconscious grudges.
I forgive my second stepdad who treated me as though he hated me during my high school years. It hurt really bad and made feel worthless when he wouldn't talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. I know you/we had struggles and I forgive you Dad.
I forgive my first long term boyfriend for cheating on me and controlling me. That relationship ruined my high school years. I wasn't strong enough to leave before the damage was done. I don't even think you knew what you were doing. I forgive you JAM.
I forgive my second long term boyfriend for cheating and breaking my heart. We were together twice as long and bf#1. I thought we were headed towards the dream life. Instead bf#2, you were headed towards alcoholism and other women. I forgive you KEP.
I think I'm done for today. I do feel better and realized that I've left all the so's in my life for the same reason...cheating. I also realized with great appreciation that if I had not left these other guys, my life would have been totally different. My stbxh wasn't always a jerk. We were a happy family with 3 kids, happy for many years. I may not have known all the good that came out of my marriage without going through the first two relationships. And although they don't compare to the pain and heartbreak of my marriage ending, at that time after 2 and 4 years together, they were devastating.
Next on my list to forgive will be myself before stbx. As I'm not all the way there yet.
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