Trying to do better

The last time I was in school, I knew things were getting bad when I stopped going to my class on a remote campus. I made excuses why I didn't want to go and never communicated with the professor about how I was feeling or why I was seemingly blowing off her class even though I really did like what I was learning from her. It's been two weeks and I've missed two sessions of my Brit Lit class. I told my counsellor about it last week, how I was really axious about contacting my professor (last week I had a flat). I contacted Student Support Services this morning and told them I'm having trouble with his class. And I finally pulled myself together to email him and ask for a meeting. I'm skipping class again tonight. I was shaking the whole time I was writing the email, and all kinds of bad thoughts, disappointment, uncertanties are running through my head now. My heart is racing and I feel a major attack coming on. I'm going to take my anxiety medication and try to sleep for a few hours. I know it was bad to miss class again, but I don't think I'll be able to drive the two hours to campus all doped up. I feel like I'm being more responsible than last time, but that I'm still effing up. I wish I didn't feel so paralysed when it comes to stuff like this.