Trying to discard the Crap!!

Ok well I know I have ptsd and I know what started it, but I think a lot contributed to the onset of ptsd.  I will not bore myself or others with all of it but here is the highlights.  If I must move on I must really address these things.     1) Raped age 13 by so called friend     2)  Rapist turned it around told all my friends I was gay and came on to him     3) Friends(so called friends stay around but torrment me)     4)raped again age 17 by 2 new so-called friends(more forceful this time)     5)Lost 2 friends(committed suicide:thought they were stronger than me) almost lost 3     6)ex-girlfriend(girlfriend at time)tries to drown my sister, trys to cut me, and turns out to be satanist, accuses me of hitting her.      7)Marry high school sweetheart, who turns out to be lesbian(I did not know) she physically and mentally abuses me, and tries to hook me up with men(knowing that I am not gay and that I was raped by males)      8)My daughter is sexually molest at age 2 at our church.   Well there they are the major ones but not all.  Missing are my times in psych centers, rehab, suicide attempt and many others.  Now that I put them out their I must burn the trash.  Wish it were that easy.  My wife and I are talking a lot more about our pasts and what gave her anxiety dis-order and me ptsd.  It is great, but it sucks oh so much.  I got a migraine for 3 days, sleep and eating are more erratic, and now I am having night and day mares.  Well getting worked up so later.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

dam bro what i\'ve been through ain\'t nothing compare to your troubles just reading your journal is over whelming to me, but i will say this to you its what a friend told me when i was in honduras, the good lord never gives nothing that we can\'t handle, i know its easier said then done but it is true why we go through these things don\'t know but theres a reason never give up hope buddie.
seanmarsh33
seanmarsh33

I know what your friend said is true. I am a christian with a calling. I used too teach bible studies, preach, and witness. I was Director of the Christian Home for Men. I went and still do go through battles, but I am too worn out to fight. So I guess you could say I am on the sidelines. Sean