Trying to decide between packing and staying.

High energy! I'm cleaning cleaning cleaning! I scrubbed the kitchen floor and anything I could reach from there. The kitchen looks good from the counters down. I cleaned the closet a bit and packed my first box! I know it's sad, but I really think Geo and I have no chance. I'm looking to move in mid-April, before my mom's birthday on the 22nd, so I can go with my brother and sister to bury my mom. I know I shouldn't be planning this if I'm trying to work things out with Geo, but I really don't think he can change enough so I can stay with him, and if he does change, that he won't change for long. I love him, but I'm not in love with him and I don't know if I can repair that. I'm reading a book to see how to fall back in love with him and I'm trying. I really want this to work, but I'm scared that it won't. When I'm with him and he's not mad, I want to stay. But when he's mad, or not around, I want to leave. I feel more and more like leaving since he's mad or not around. I do admit that I'm not with him when I can be, and that I'm taking more and more time on my own. I just feel distant, lonely, and that I miss the way we used to be. I just wish that we could get back there, but I'm also thinking that it's a fantasy land. I sugar-coat some things, and I think the past is one of them.