Trying to change

Sometime this seems like an impossible task. The challenge ahead of me is very daunting, but I have to remember why I am doing this. I need to change my behaviour patterns. It is worthless trying to carry on as I have been any longer, my head in the sand and ignoring the effect that my actions have on the relationships with those I love and care for. There is no where to go now but forward. My wife is amazing, supporting me through this even now. I truly don't deserve her. My goal is to change that, to become the husband that she does deserve, one that she can be proud to say she is married to. I owe my family the husband and father that they and everyone else thinks they have. Is one of the unfairest things about this situation. My wife knows what I can be like, the pain I can cause, but she doesn't reveal it to our families or friends. She has allowed me to keep that facade. I don't know how she does it. Even this morning she sent me details of another support group. As much as I want and need to change, she also wants me to change. She loves me so much. It is very humbling. Knowing how much she loves me makes me feel so low about the way I treat her. I want to be worthy of that love. That is my goal.