Trying to be thankful
Everytime I start feeling the loss of what might have been, I try and tell myself to be thankful for what I have now. Im thankful for my bed, my cat and the roof over my head. Im thankful i still have a job to go to. Im thankful for you all to talk to.
Im going thru a rough patch right now and decided i needed to reach out to my counselor. She is only doing video sessions now and the reception was off and on so i got about 20 min out of a 50 min session. She is suppose to call me again this evening. Drat....electronics. Even though my loss is not as great as others, i still need to grieve it. I am going to let my cell phone turn off for 30 days. I can use my wifi on my tablet in the back yard for my sessions or go park down by the McDonalds for privacy.
In order to grieve I have to shut all communication down completely. I have grieved this relationship loss over and over for the past 2 years when it was off and on and he would always reach back out. In order to have finality i have to cut that communication off even though I dont think hed ever reach out again. He said "Goodbye" this time and I said "Goodbye" too.
Work is going to be boring today. Maybe ill daydream about Arizona and the colorful rocks and sand there is there.....inching forward with cement shoes.....but nonetheless moving.
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I give thanks everyday. For so many things. Little and big. There’s a very large hill that I walk up a few times a week. Heck of a workout but at the top is an idilic farm with a view of the surrounding hills and valleys. While my heart beat quiets I became so thankful for my health and will to put myself in that place. It’s a perfect moment that I can do whenever I want. The more I look at what makes me happy the more I realize it’s about creating these moments by being present enough to fully enjoy them. So simple and sometimes self induced complicated. I laugh at myself more often than I used to.
And I am thankful for all of my friends here as well. I had been shy for most of my life when it came to meeting new people but online, it's much easier.
For me, it was important to accept myself with all of my character defects and to also be able to laugh at myself. That made me love myself even more.
I'm thankful for my health and I'm thankful for my job, and my dog, and my home, , and the Love that's in it and outside of it.
God Bless