Trying to be postive

Well I have had a good couple of days. On Sunday I went to see sprint cars race at the local race track...which was so much fun! I was able to spend a lot of time outside with my little sister and boyfriend. Yesterday I was able to go shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. Although I was unsuccessful I still had a lot of fun. I have been thinking today about how I use to be very relaxed and spontaneous. I had this dream of becoming a traveling hippy. I wanted to go everywhere and see everything. At one point I wanted to live in the woods and just live off the land. Then something changed in me. I guess I lost that part of myself when I first got into the relationship that I am in now. There is a quote that represents everything about me. "My heart wants roots but My mind wants wings, and I just can't stand their bickering." I love my boyfriend but I feel like I have lost my sense of wonder for the world. I do have to remember that during the time that we have been together I have had to deal with significant loses that have really causes my anxiety to surface...which is not his fault. So is it really that him has made me change? Or is it that my anxiety has caused me to change without me even knowing it. Sometimes I still feel that urge to just leave town and go where ever the wind takes me. But then the voice of reasoning and the anxiety kicks in and says to me "Jacklyn you could never do anything like that, so just stop trying." I need to get back to the root of my being and just start over...but why is it so hard to start over. I do not really like how my life is right now but something is keeping me from changing.
So my new quest is to find the root, pull it up, and the plant something new.