Trying to be happy
I went home last night. I swear if I didn't tell my boyfriend I was taking him to dinner, then he would never make the effort to take me out. He's an older man, never been married and never had kids. We were off and on for a year or so until I moved in with him to try and make things work. I am really struggling with this. I have committed to a year lease. Our sex life is nonexistant. There's no passion. I am finding myself getting extremely unhappy and we are only on the second month. I had plans to go out for breakfast by myself tommorow as he had to work a half a day. But last night on the way to dinner, he asked me if I could help him at work. This is unusual for him. He's never asked before. I don't know if this is a way to keep his eye on me or what.
It's like once he had secured my prescence, he just stopped what little he was doing. Before we moved in together, I had a talk with him. I told him that if I was going to feel alone, then I should just be alone. He was good for about 2 days after that. This is what he does, when he thinks hes going to lose me, he makes just enough effort, once he feels secure, he stops all effort.
He wanted me to go to Iowa to meet his mother. I have already told him I can't go because of work. I have no interest in this, it would be a trip wasted. And I don't yet have vacation time.
I even make an effort to reach out to him daily and ask how his day is going or send a sweet message. I'm making all the effort.
As far as my Fire sign goes, last night I tested him and he failed. I exposed him and he knows it. I've been having health problems.
I asked him last night a hypothetical question "If I got sick, would you care for me"? Instead of saying "Yes" or "No", he said "Why are you planning on getting sick?" This hurt and it broke my heart but I've been holding off from him because my instincts have told me he's just a talker. And so, this morning I texted him a "Good Morning", and got nothing. Figures....but I knew it all along.
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I'm as romantic as a fence staple, but when my hubby isn't making any sense to me, I tend to treat him like a roommate. He does his thing, I do mine and between us the bills get paid. I've had worse roommates. When the flows of life bring us back together, it is like falling in love all over again with greater compassion for the skeletons in our individual closets. In a few of those renewals, I have even thought I was gaining a bit of comprehension of the chick flick chatter I always hear in the Ladies Rooms. Maybe. Romance remains a puzzling concept for me. My husband is the romantic of my partnership. I just keep his car running.
Sorry for the ramble. Hope you find your happiness.
I'm the romantic and he's the " unemotional wall". If he curls up every night in front of the tv, it would be ok with him. I guess I just need to start doing more things and staying out of the house more. Maybe he'd appreciate more. Ive even thought I might get a second job in the evening just to make extra money. Maybe if I do these things, he will make more effort? If he doesn't then I know I need to have the "talk" with him and tell him that's it's not working for me and I will move into the other bedroom and be a true "roommate".
Yea, a female "unemotional wall" gets even meaner names thrown at her than males do. At least the gender icons allow ^it^ from a man. but I still don't believe that is a gender trait any more than engineering (me), politics, nurturing or romance. I bet you know at least some of the choice names available for sentimental and/or nurturing men. Far more stereotypes than proofs are available on the nature vs. nurture question and, of course, the debate rages, as it has for all of human history (herstory, too), with new names being invented daily. Teach your children well? Not even this "unemotional wall" believes that boys and girls are the same, nor would I wish them to be.
Leaving that controversy aside for now. . .
If self-development doesn't get your man's attention, at least you will have more you can call your own when the lease expires?