Trying not to lose faith

So I just passed my four year mark with this.  My first appointment was back in July 2006.  Its been going down hill since.  I am on mtx folic acid and hydrocloriquine Morphine and Perocet. Been on plaqinull, Humeria, Embrel, Predisone. Predisone worked but I gain way to much weight with it and I had to quit.  In the mean time I have lost my friends I have lost my job well sorta.  I quit working back in March.  Wal-Mart wrote me up for walking too slow and told me if I couldn't get up front in a decent amount of time I needed to look for another job.  When I got a laywer they said that I got wrote up for my attitude because my supervisor told me that me taking ten minutes to get up front was ruining the score card and I told him I am sorry my pain level is ruining your score card I will try to be faster.  Someone that ended up being disrespect for the individual.  They said that they didn't disrespect me that they were doing their job.  The sad thing is I was with that company for 6 years they saw I was going down hill.  I am still Employed there but I am on a medical leave of absence I am not going back though I got approved for SSD and medcaid I am just using the discount card until my year is up.  I have lost alot of my friend because they don't understand crontic pain and fatique.  I don't expect them too understand they are in their 20's they don't need me holding them back.  Meanwhile I turn 25 this year and I feel that its over I went to a them park yesterday and my pain level was so high I couldn't really enjoy it.  I try not to go through the why me stage but I am 25 and I just want my life back I want to be able to do what I use to do.  I don't know what to really say Its 2:00am in the morning my best friends birthday and I am going to deliver her flowers to work in 5 hours she has been depressed lately so if i can cheer someone up I guess its worth it.  I guess I shall go lay down.  FOr anyone who reads this I am sorry if I depress anyone Its just some stuff thats been building up and I don't know what to do anymore.