trying new things
A lot of old memories from what men did to me when i was in the service has been bothering me recently... old bitterness and anger.
Everywhere i go, i keep getting hit on like i have some beacon on me that says "hey i'm single now!" It's been angering me and bringing back those bad memories. i keep catching myself from slipping back into the old habit of telling every guy to go F them selves (and rip them a new one like when i was back in the Corps). some of the guys say things that make me want to punch them in the jaw! but i usually leave the scene (wherever it is). i end up withdrawing from public areas, social events / gatherings, avoiding my friends, avoiding calls, and just shutting down. I've even found my self not enjoying the beach as much as i used to (thanks to guys hitting on me there, too).
i started questioning everything i was doing and all my negative feelings. why am i not enjoying anything? why am i not interested in anything? anyway, i posted a topic on the fibro board asking for ideas on what to do that can be fun i can try! so...... yesterday i had my 1st ukulele lesson!! YAY! then eventually i'll try guitar, and well im supposed to try something new every week and report back to my pain psychologist if i enjoyed it or not. lol. so far, i like the ukulele.... *grins*
i'll also be working on reversing the negative non-social feelings with trying to socialize. at least with a friend, so i feel safe. I'll try to do this at least once a week.
in other news... i fell down the stairs today. my feet have been slipping from under me while on the steps lately but this is the 1st time i actually took a good tumble down to the bottom. nothing broken. just bruises, some swelling and soreness (i'm sure the fibro will be feelin it in the morning). been icing on and off.
also... found out that NY is building a 17 floor MOSQUE next to Ground Zero! i've been very upset tonight about this. the mayor gave the "ok" to build this thing. i feel like this is not only a slap in the face to all the dead people of 9/11, but spitting on their graves!!! if i could fly out there to protest, i would. how DARE they build that!?!?!
ok y'all.... can't think of much else and i've taken up lots of space here.... have a great rest of the week and God bless!
Everywhere i go, i keep getting hit on like i have some beacon on me that says "hey i'm single now!" It's been angering me and bringing back those bad memories. i keep catching myself from slipping back into the old habit of telling every guy to go F them selves (and rip them a new one like when i was back in the Corps). some of the guys say things that make me want to punch them in the jaw! but i usually leave the scene (wherever it is). i end up withdrawing from public areas, social events / gatherings, avoiding my friends, avoiding calls, and just shutting down. I've even found my self not enjoying the beach as much as i used to (thanks to guys hitting on me there, too).
i started questioning everything i was doing and all my negative feelings. why am i not enjoying anything? why am i not interested in anything? anyway, i posted a topic on the fibro board asking for ideas on what to do that can be fun i can try! so...... yesterday i had my 1st ukulele lesson!! YAY! then eventually i'll try guitar, and well im supposed to try something new every week and report back to my pain psychologist if i enjoyed it or not. lol. so far, i like the ukulele.... *grins*
i'll also be working on reversing the negative non-social feelings with trying to socialize. at least with a friend, so i feel safe. I'll try to do this at least once a week.
in other news... i fell down the stairs today. my feet have been slipping from under me while on the steps lately but this is the 1st time i actually took a good tumble down to the bottom. nothing broken. just bruises, some swelling and soreness (i'm sure the fibro will be feelin it in the morning). been icing on and off.
also... found out that NY is building a 17 floor MOSQUE next to Ground Zero! i've been very upset tonight about this. the mayor gave the "ok" to build this thing. i feel like this is not only a slap in the face to all the dead people of 9/11, but spitting on their graves!!! if i could fly out there to protest, i would. how DARE they build that!?!?!
ok y'all.... can't think of much else and i've taken up lots of space here.... have a great rest of the week and God bless!
Replies