"Trying Again"

I hate that phrase. "Trying again." "So are you guys going to 'try again'?" It makes me feel like a failure and it makes me feel like people view Mason as a failure. My son was a success to us. He will always be our baby boy, our first born, our oldest child, our pride and joy, even though we will never look into his eyes or see his smile, hear his laughter. He is our angel baby.

Also, of course we are going to try again, why wouldn't we? Just seems like a silly question sometimes. I know it isn't, but what do they expect me to say? And seriously, if the answer is "no", do you really want to endure that awkward silence? Just don't ask people who have lost a baby if they are "trying again".

Having said all this, we are now "trying again". My doctor wanted us to wait for 12 to 18 months before attempting to get pregnant again since I carried Mason full term. So, like good students, we have waited. Now it has been almost 8 months since we started trying for our second baby. Its so hard not to get discouraged. On top of the almost desperate longing to have a baby, I am so afraid the same thing will happen. Some days it is all I can do to hold it together. Well, that is all for now. Thanks for listening.