Truth
Trusting people is hard I trusted people and they always let me down. People say they care, but if they did they would fight to keep me. no one has fought for me, no one ever will. and just as I thought you didn't they didn't . It was just easier to let me go then to take the time, and patience to build up trust, and understanding. any one can say I love you and copy and paste quotes of love it is everywhere. but to really prove it you need to express it via action. say it with your heart not copy and paste paragraphs any one can do. I can do that I have done that. when I hear word of love from people I cringe because it sounds so put-on. Maybe I just no longer believe in love love has been such a unreachable obstacle for me that I no longer believe it even exist. I believe love is dead at least for me. and when people express it I just can't feel it I am no longer able to feel it. it is like faith I can't believe in that either people can say it all they want, but it doesn't mean it is true. I believe my past online experiences with people who say their real and their interested in knowing me are false I believe half the people I exchange chats with are only out for one thing money, monetary gain, gift cards, blah blah blah if they were interested in anything about me they would not sound like their reading a script all the time. there is no emotion behind it and believe me some of the so called scripts are really good, but there is always the fakeness there if you know what to look for you know the things they said are false . I am going to chose to straighten ..or somewhat straightened up my life and try to get the hell out of all this stress I been under for so so long. I just can't deal with it no more . plus sigh I use to dance for fun for my stress for my sanity and now I think I need to start to dance again because if I don't do something to get the stress out of my life I am liable to do something I will regret and something I can't come back from and no one is in my life at the moment that can stop me from it because like I said before No one is willing to fight for me to help me step away from the ledge I am on right now so does speak so I have to fight for myself. Fight with myself to get me away from that ledge anyway that is my vlog for now, I am not sure people will understand it I sometimes can't understand my ramblings but it is out there now.
Replies
Unfortunately I know exactly the way you are feeling. I am fighting myself not to give up on the world and love which is saying alot because Raj (Big Bang Theory) is my spirit animal. I am tired of being there for everyone and feeling like I am a burden if I need them. I am tired of being so weak that I do need them. I am tired of spending the weekend barely able to get out of bed and not having a single person reach out to me. I too tried connecting with people on line and within a week they were asking for money or personal information to con me out of money. When did we all forget what it means to be human and care for each other.
Look you don't know me from Adam but rest assured I don't want anything from you other than maybe someone that can relate to what I feel. I often ramble so you will know it is not a script. Kinda like now I guess. Anyway if you need someone to listen and care I am usually on here at least daily. Sending you prayers and love.
Oh thank you Yea I hate those people there should be a special hell for those people. I am hear to, and I ramble to. lol no worries Raj that is funny the guy is funny. I feel the same way. There has been days I just want to sleep and not bother facing the day. If it wasn't for my kids I would of already gave up the ghost. The best thing to do is like dory said in Finding nemo Got to keep swimming so I am just going to keep doing just that. lol thank you for listening prayers and love to you to. For now ..good night and hang in there.