Trusting Myself

 
The other day I read a blog post where the author talked about trusting her gut & making decisions in her life based on that trust. It was different in how she used to live her life, which was basically in reaction to others, rationalizing, denying, etc. Basically, she now knows her truth, trusts it & lives her life based on it. She spoke of the emotional freedom it gave her, as well as confidence in her decisions. (I wish I could convey her main point better, but this is the drift of it!)
 
So it got me to thinking: do I trust myself/my gut? To an extent, I think I do. But I also know that sometimes I dismiss myself. Why is that?
 
1 - I like to say that I keep an open mind about people; to give them the benefit of the doubt & not jump to conclusions. Though in my defense, I usually do come to a conclusion after sufficient evidence presents itself. Usually, not always!
 
2 - We are taught in church, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding". It very much implies that we can't even trust what we see/feel. It is true that we often deceive ourselves through denial & similar defenses. But shouldn't we trust ourselves when what we see/feel lines up with the facts? As John Adams said, "Facts are stubborn things..."
 
3 - Perhaps after so many years of being invalidated by my family, part of me might not trust my own judgment 100%. And if I do & make a mistake, that's just "proof" that they're right. This would sure line up with my perfectionism...
 
4 - I don't like people that always think they're right, because really, no one is 100% right all the time. I don't want to be one of those people who always thinks I'm right...Although if we get right down to it, I do often think I'm right!
 
Which leads to yet another thought: is it all about "being right" or is it about "knowing truth"? Why would I feel that I need to be right? Because I need outside justification? And why would I need outside justification? I suppose for validation/"proof".
 
Which brings me full circle--I don't need proof, I need trust in my own instinct. And if I'm wrong (which is entirely possible, see #4), then I suppose I would need proof of such. There have been times when I stand on something & my son might prove me wrong. There, I'll say to him, "You were right!" (I have to say, he's right about a lot of things!)
 
So two questions remain:
 
1 - what does my gut/instinct say?
 
2 - based on that, what should I do?