Trust
My flight instincts seem to be escalating. The echoes from Bachelor Hall 190 miles south of here have me freshly reminded of the horrors of being Toxic Mom to dysfunctional middle aged children while caring for physically young children are clamouring in my head and. . . Anywhere but here is sounding like the best place to be. Is playing Toxic Grandma any funner than playing Toxic Mom? How do I keep those perfect, middle aged cherubs out of our Toxic People Landfill? Can I move the Toxic People Landfill to a country where a work permit is required for entry?
Plying therapy tools. . .
Week 2 of having the girls in day care isnae providing the hoped for relief for Hubs and I. The baby's bout with flu last week and Big Sis's trip to the ER for an allergy reaction to dental work aren't hitting my radar as stress relief. This morning Big Sis has her ER follow-up appointment with the pediatrician. I will follow their reccommendations on when she should go back to school. Next week is Thanksgiving vacation and still no word from the other grandparents, their lawyer or any of the caseworkers on the visitation demands they presented to the court. For now, it appears that next week will be even busier than this week. No care for the caregivers.
On the good news front, Big Bro had a breakthrough day yesterday. He has been isolating at school and his teacher made a special trip out to the curb to praise his participation in class yesterday. From there, he went on to take the training wheels off his bike and actually started mastering the higher art of biking without training wheels. A "best behavior" (purple) today will be his 5th consecutive and will win him access to his playstation. Dare I hope the further mastering of that bike will usurp the thrill of mastering e-toy thumb control? Just hoping. . .
Replies
Glad for the Big Bro good news, arfie. Hope the relief comes from day care being provided for the girls now.
Arfie, I am so sorry that you are having all the overwhelming stuff. It's true when the salt box said "When it rains, it pours".
I know it is hard not to worry about your adult ES, I worry about my ED every day. Best thing you can do is focus on the children and yourself right now. I am sending prayers that your holidays will be stress and drama free. Kudos for all the love you are showing those children!
Ya know Arfie, when i read 'toxic mom' I thought about how much '''I think"" I've screwed up John....in a book about parents and adult children who don't get along, the author wrote...there comes a time when the adult child needs to stop blaming the parents for (child/adult) '''their behavior''' and their decisions and the way they choose to live their lives.
The other thought I had was You Are No Longer The Toxic Mother because of the Years and Years of hard work you've put into regaining your health and learning your psy tools and more so, Using Your Psy Tool Box.
In other words, I offer to you what many have offered to me "You Did The Best You Could With What You Had, and Gave The Best You Could With What You Knew.
I've come to believe in humanness, what we are not taught or given by our birth family, how can we possibly give or do for our children....I've tried my best to apologize to John saying I know that there were times, and things that I did that hurt you. I've told him I'm willing to sit down and have him talk to me about Anything...the good, bad, ugly...that is all I can do, it's his choice and I didn't have that '''type of choice''' cause the time was a different time and parents were God's, children were seen and did not speak, and were not heard.
I think your barometer method, doing your best to avoid conflict in front of the kids, trying to protect, and at the same time being honest, not closing the door to other grandparents, provide them with stable routines, their mental and physical needs being met, and giving love and hugs...well, I'd be first in line to be your kid, I need re-training.