True Confession-- I am NOT STRONG...
Having a rough time. Once again realizing I cannot do things by myself. My wobbly entertainment center holds the big screen as well as another 4 things. I finally cleared off and packed up the playstation 2, wii games and other little things. Do not have a clue as far as what is what so I have yet to take them all off. Was planning on asking some kind neighbors who did offer to help me if I needed anything. I also have a new smaller cabinet that we bought at the same time as the tv. Of course, we liked the new tv higher (on top) so we never even bothered to put it together. I decided I would put it together then call an ask the neighbors to help with the set up and trouble shooting once more accessible on the new stand. It is impossible to lift out of the box, so I slide the things out. It is going to be a pain in the ass and take forever to put together.
I am not used to asking others to help ... am embarassed, ashamed and feel useless. As I look back, I see a trend... I have good intentions to do alot, but since there is noone there to nudge or encourage me... I easily walk it back and do just a little and easily get frustrated and give up. I have done that with all in my life... including a very unhappy marriage.
I can tell others to ask for help, but cannot allow myself. This would involve them primarily putting the thing together for me, then helping to move and reconnect the tv... It is too much to ask and I will feel like I am bothering them. So instead I will hide inside (again in tears) because I am sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I will do like I always do... soon pick myself back up and do some small things toward the endless big picture. But it is just SO MUCH TO BARE. I am not that strong soul... but instead a helpless wuss who quickly tosses in the towel.
I think of that young girl at work and how she has been feeling ... am just as shaky and unsure of myself when faced with so many unknowns.
Replies
You are loved and stronger than you think. Ask for help. Karma time.
Many people enjoy helping others. And you can easily tell if you mention you need help whether they are interested or not. Then the nice thing to do, after they help you, is bake them some cookies or something. You and your helpful friend will both feel pleased and satisfied when all is said and done.
Feeling again like my pen and paper has been taken from me. Forced to look deep and react differently. But it is too much to ask at one time. It has been drilled into my head that we fix our problems ourselves. Even when I do ask for help , I can only handle small requests as I still don't want to be considered a bother (another unhealthy message from my past.) Still seeing this as too big of a deal for a first time. But I will mention it tomorrow after work and just see what they say. Most they can say is they haven't time right then.
I feel useless sometimes too but trudge thru. I try to do what I can before calling a repair man. It is hard to get or accept help when you have been the "strong" one in the past. But it is not weakness to ask for help. Sometimes it ok. Hugs.
I have a very hard time accepting help from others as well, but you are such an amazing woman people appreciate you and want to help you. Needing help in no way means you are useless. We all need help with something. But I totally understand your predicament. I am a very private person and have a hard time trusting others and often feel that people will judge me and not kindly so it's extremely difficult for me to let others in my personal and emotional space. I don't even like to have repair men come in. I had some work done in one of my apartments once and I had some heirloom jewelry stolen. As I rarely wear jewelry I didn't realize it was gone until it was too late to do anything about it. Also, one time I had a man inappropriately make a pass at me that made me very uncomfortable. My husband is very capable of doing things around the house but very rarely does. We have an old house and things are constantly going wrong. I have panic attacks just calling repair people, and I don't sleep the night before they come out. I really wish I was smarter and stronger because I would willingly make the repairs myself! Veggiequeen I don't see how anyone could ever see you as a bother! Hang in there, I'm thinking of you
Absolutely ask for help. I wish you were a little closer so I could come over. I volunteer for a nonprofit for challenged individuals and do this kind of thing all the time. Cabinet assembly, wall mounts, etc. we’re all challenged in some way Kim. I know about shame but we need to let that go and the first step is acceptance
You are a strong woman Kim. Asking for help does not make you weak. We all need help at some time.
You are a huge source of support to so many and are always willing to help. Let others help you.
Take care my friend!
Take a deep breath and relax for a while. Ask for help, my friend. I used to be like you. I had to do everything myself. Now, if I need help, I either hire someone or ask friends. Asking is not a sign of weakness, It is a sign that you know you need help and are not afraid to ask. You have to take a couple of steps back and see how far you have come. You have gone through so much and are still standing. Hugs and be safe.
Geez Kim, give yourself a freak’n break. It’s not the end of the world if there are some things you can’t do. No one person can do everything.
Yes, let go. No one would ever forge any kind of life if they held onto and believed everything they felt or were told by their families when young. You know whatever messed up beliefs that were instilled in you were just lies told by small, damaged people who probably didn’t know any better. So why give it any life?
You know what strength is to me? Resilience. You don’t give up, you keep plugging along, you fall and get back up. THAT is strength.
Thank you to all for your very kind encouraging words. I would truly be lost if I was not able to reach out and vent here. This is where my encouragement and hope come from (well God too but I keep trying to tell him he is not direct or quick enough. lol He does seem to enjoy trying to improve my patience... still a work in progress.)
Humm... God, seems to care and "give us the desires of our hearts" Psalm 37. The only catch, he is slow and wants us to make it happen. I could be wrong here, though?