Tru at 54
I have become something my husband never knew: a 54 year old woman. Yes, today is my birthday, and with it comes the reality that I've taken another step away from the past, away from my husband and mother.
My husband knew me as a young woman. He knew me as a middle-age woman. But never did he know the 54 year old me. Neither did my mother. At this age, I'm barely young enough to be my mother's child. She was 69 when she passed, now, thinking of her, and how she looked before she passed, she seems like an older sister to me. I know that if I live long enough, my husband will one day look like a young man to me. He was only 59 when he passed.
It's strange. My husband was born on September 10th. I made it through that day without becoming overly sad. Perhaps it was because it fell the day before September 11th. Maybe the sadness of that day overshadowed his birthday. At any rate, today, my birthday made me pensive. I'm a year older--I'm 5 years younger than my husband when he passed. When he was alive I was 6 years younger, sometimes 7. But now, I'm catching up with him. And one day I'll pass him. And everyday I'm another step away from the years he lived, the life we had.
He seems lost in time to me. But, if time travel did exist, I could go back and see him still young and vibrant. But I will still be 54.
My husband knew me as a young woman. He knew me as a middle-age woman. But never did he know the 54 year old me. Neither did my mother. At this age, I'm barely young enough to be my mother's child. She was 69 when she passed, now, thinking of her, and how she looked before she passed, she seems like an older sister to me. I know that if I live long enough, my husband will one day look like a young man to me. He was only 59 when he passed.
It's strange. My husband was born on September 10th. I made it through that day without becoming overly sad. Perhaps it was because it fell the day before September 11th. Maybe the sadness of that day overshadowed his birthday. At any rate, today, my birthday made me pensive. I'm a year older--I'm 5 years younger than my husband when he passed. When he was alive I was 6 years younger, sometimes 7. But now, I'm catching up with him. And one day I'll pass him. And everyday I'm another step away from the years he lived, the life we had.
He seems lost in time to me. But, if time travel did exist, I could go back and see him still young and vibrant. But I will still be 54.
Replies