Troulbe ahead........

Do you know what it's like to have your H walk right past you when your crying your eyes out and your hurting so bad, Iwish I could put it in words how that feels, I read all of the blogs and words and paragraphs ,about how other H and W' s profess thier love and beg and plead and cry and admit to what has happened, try something to make it work, I get absolutely nothing all I get is 'You keep bringing it up everyday"  "I thought everything was fine ?" Maybe I keep setting myself up for fallls everyday ,thinking he's going to come charging home on a steed with flowers and atelast say I loved nad you I fucked up ,I get nothing I can't tell you the last time I got some small gift or flowers, anything,our birthdays and anninversary comes and go like Christmas, nothing, I hate all holidays and birthdays, I wish I could hibernate during them, I was married for nearly 10 years before I even got a diamond wedding ring, that I had to bring up and pretty much go an get myself, Im feeling pretty empty right now, used up ,drained, when do you decide to throw in the towel? I can't wait to start my job and get my own pay check coming in and I wont feel so dependent on him, I will have something to stand on. when does it all end, when does the pain go a way, when do you find some peace ? Im tired of hurting,  sometimes I feel like every time I get dragged back down I won't be able to climb out . I read somewhere, on one of the blogs about how H"s spend money on the whores they are cheating with,  they went out to brs im sure he payed for most of the drinks, but I can't get him to buy me flowers or take me out, do anything , why is that ? they take money for food and bills out of our house to spend it on the OW but tell me We can't afford it ,   Then they wonder why we snap and go postal.....