Troubled soul..
I'm expending so much energy trying to keep my lost, troubled soul from falling into the wrong hands...the process of finding me feels as if I must sacrifice everything else. Guess you can't have everything without giving up something. When it's all said and done, I feel that I'll end up with nothing...just the concept of being alone with myself is more torturous than solitary confinement. There's a sayin by 'Joe Louis': "you can run but you can't hide.."; well I can't 'run' from myself & hiding is even less futile - wherever I go, there I am...damn! I HATE ME SO MUCH!
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Take a rational look at this statement. I don\'t know if that\'s something you can do (I learned a lot about mental illness because of my daughter\'s problem). If you can, stand back from yourself. You are suffering from an internal disorder of the brain, it can be medicated. Isolating is one symptom and can lead to horror in your life and in the lives of those you love. You may not be able to do what I ask and that\'s not your fault, but if you can - DO IT. Go to your doctor, ask for psychological testing, find out what you\'re dealing with and then take the medication until you find one that helps you. While it\'s true that some people can\'t really be helped, you don\'t seem to be one of those from my vantage point. GET THE HELP YOU NEED.
If I\'m truly able to stand back from myself & look at me, I\'m liable to tear myself a new one..
Hi, I hate the thought of being alone. I think it brings up shame and failure and isolation. All of that is bunk and I am trying to work through it but it is there so I understand. I think that right now you getting yourself better should be the number 1 priority. I dont think it will stay so all consuming though. I think when you \'fix\' yourself (whatever that means for any of us) you will find you want to let more people in and can same with activities.
I am so glad you are here. I learn alot from you!
Don\'t think just make the appointment and ask for needed medication and give it a try. So many in such crisis are helped to have a viable life once again. Just go for it and try the new medications. They can take months to be effective but the payoff may be really terrific over time. To think after all the misery you have survived that you may be able to find a quality life to live would be good revenge for the suffering you have been forced to endure. Give the new medications a try to alter the chemical state of your brain. I don\'t know anyone that is not taking medications or supplements of one type and usually many to have a good life and many are living a very good life from this \'chemical\' help. All our bodies and brains are - bio chemicals - work with them and tweak them to make a good life.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Meds are not an option; been there done that. I will just suffer thru this until I completely unravel and do myself in! Don\'t worry, that\'ll just be one less self-loathing individual to hear from...
God loves you unconditionally - no matter what stage you are in. Seek Him and He will fight a good fight with you and for you. Stay close to Him.
Mal66 the same thing happened to me.Last year June 26 I was baptized because I was feeling bad and had found out about the tumors in my head,throid,and other places.After that I have had the worst time of my life.When you start to get to close to God,Satan knows he is losing you and God is getting closer.So from here till the day you die,you are going to be attacked by Satan trying to get you to blame God.Keep your faith and hope and find a church.I got a tattoo on my forearm,a cross that I made on my right arm,bearing my own cross,and a big heart on my left bicep.all this in the last year.You can see how I\'m being attacked,but I\'m under God or Jesus wing.I read stay positive and know that Satan will not win.no matter how hard he tries.Don\'t lose your faith in God,that\'s what satan want\'s.You will be protected ,but you have to also save yourself.God can\'t do it by his self.I will never give in,go on Satan give it your best shot.You have support here on earth to.Church really helped me fight him.When you sing these song\'s you will feel it in your heart.Just give it a chance.From here out the devil will mess with you.Love and Prayers Dale.