Trouble still, but things are better
A year and a half ago I kicked my ass getting in shape. There were days it felt like my lungs were on fire. The pain in getting started was the worst. legs feeling like they were going to tear apart as i fought through those first 5 and 7 mile rides. I'd lay out 20 mile rides like they were trips to the moon... I thought maybe someday I'd make it that far. And it was a bitch and there were days I literally cried in the shower after a ride because it hurt. Imagine that. Everyone's favorite place is standing in the shower with that warm water rolling over you. But I had days I was in such pain the five minutes I was under that stream felt like torture... All I really wanted was to go to bed and sleep the pain off. That was last year after spending years lying in bed chain smoking waiting for a broken back to heal... By the end of that season I was doing 60 mile days and doing it on a hand me down mountain bike my ex left behind.
I'm beginning again now after taking a few seasons off. I have a new bike... better than the last. I fixed gear road bike with tires as thin as razors and a frame that weighs half of my old ride. I was a little afraid it would be like before starting over again. That I'd lost all the gains I'd fought for the year before. not so much. Perhaps its the better equipment but the 21 mile ride I took the other day wasn't bad at all. I've got work to do. It wasn't easy but I made it fine.
But I'm at the age where everything is starting to wilt a bit. The skin, the hair, the mind... none of it feels the way it should. Its bringing me to terms with mortality. The beginning of the end is in sight at 53... whenever that might be. Twenty years from now? Maybe thirty? Who can say? But in lieu of that, it feels even more important to take care of myself. At the doctors urging I'm cutting out things like bread, biscuits and cream to add more veggies. Fuck lettice... I go through three bundles of spinach a week making salads with shredded carrots and red tomatoes in the morning. I chop up a cup of chicken as well to quiet the belly. All of that has me thinking about a garden. It will be my first and I'm paying attention to what I eat and making plans. Kale and broccoli, tomatoes... and like that.
But along with the cycling I'm doing other things as well. My back... that's the weak link these days. Everything I do and don't do revolve around my back and the condition Its in... which is shitty. Its gotten so bad even bed isn't an escape. There is no comfortable angle to lay down these days. And so... crunches. My life is becoming all about crunches these days. Its the price of my mobility. Its the only way of escaping the pain. For months I'd do sets of 10 crunches aiming for 20 and settling for 15. I'd do 3 or 4 sets for weeks at a time and then slack off till the pain drove me back to it again... The thing was, I never felt like I was was getting ahead. Never felt stable. This week I've changed that aiming first for 25 then moving today for 50. I think I've done 5 or 6 sets of 50 today... not in a row. The first three were this morning with three more throughout the day... While I'm waiting for my water to boil on the stove... whatever. And I'm feeling my belly now for the first time in years. It hurts... but it feels vital as well. And my back is getting better.
Moving on to things like push ups. I can't do many from the floor so I'm leaning against a desk at a 45. Shoulders, back, latts... Sore. Sore like the legs felt in the beginning. But I know now what it takes. 4 ass kicking months of riding took me to the next level in my cycling last year. I think its going to take a bit more getting the upper body in shape... or maybe not. But I've got the suffering of the past pushing me forward to a better tomorrow. But is still hurts.
I'm beginning again now after taking a few seasons off. I have a new bike... better than the last. I fixed gear road bike with tires as thin as razors and a frame that weighs half of my old ride. I was a little afraid it would be like before starting over again. That I'd lost all the gains I'd fought for the year before. not so much. Perhaps its the better equipment but the 21 mile ride I took the other day wasn't bad at all. I've got work to do. It wasn't easy but I made it fine.
But I'm at the age where everything is starting to wilt a bit. The skin, the hair, the mind... none of it feels the way it should. Its bringing me to terms with mortality. The beginning of the end is in sight at 53... whenever that might be. Twenty years from now? Maybe thirty? Who can say? But in lieu of that, it feels even more important to take care of myself. At the doctors urging I'm cutting out things like bread, biscuits and cream to add more veggies. Fuck lettice... I go through three bundles of spinach a week making salads with shredded carrots and red tomatoes in the morning. I chop up a cup of chicken as well to quiet the belly. All of that has me thinking about a garden. It will be my first and I'm paying attention to what I eat and making plans. Kale and broccoli, tomatoes... and like that.
But along with the cycling I'm doing other things as well. My back... that's the weak link these days. Everything I do and don't do revolve around my back and the condition Its in... which is shitty. Its gotten so bad even bed isn't an escape. There is no comfortable angle to lay down these days. And so... crunches. My life is becoming all about crunches these days. Its the price of my mobility. Its the only way of escaping the pain. For months I'd do sets of 10 crunches aiming for 20 and settling for 15. I'd do 3 or 4 sets for weeks at a time and then slack off till the pain drove me back to it again... The thing was, I never felt like I was was getting ahead. Never felt stable. This week I've changed that aiming first for 25 then moving today for 50. I think I've done 5 or 6 sets of 50 today... not in a row. The first three were this morning with three more throughout the day... While I'm waiting for my water to boil on the stove... whatever. And I'm feeling my belly now for the first time in years. It hurts... but it feels vital as well. And my back is getting better.
Moving on to things like push ups. I can't do many from the floor so I'm leaning against a desk at a 45. Shoulders, back, latts... Sore. Sore like the legs felt in the beginning. But I know now what it takes. 4 ass kicking months of riding took me to the next level in my cycling last year. I think its going to take a bit more getting the upper body in shape... or maybe not. But I've got the suffering of the past pushing me forward to a better tomorrow. But is still hurts.
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