My husband just informed me he was going out of town the first of October with my son and leaving me home alone. This has always been a HUGE gambling trigger for me. The thing is I'm not sure why. I think deep down it makes me feel abandoned, lonely. It feels hurtfull really deep down. Ya know what I mean. Can't really describe why its such a powerful trigger, only know it is. Am I mad at him for leaving me alone, so I gamble to get back at him? Or does it go deeper then that. Or is it all of that and more. How can you fight something when you don't even know what it is your fighting against? I'm scared of being alone with myself. I'm afraid of my own mind and my dark thoughts, my fears, bad memories. All surface when I'm alone. Surface all the time anyway but especially when all alone. Can't deal with it. Can't even be alone with myself. So close to beating this but seriously think I won't make it while he's gone.