Triggering.. My step father

I had a nightmare about this and thought I would share. I dont really bring up my past much as I know alot of peeps here have been through worse. My step father was a very cruel and mean man, but he never did anything sexually to us.. Thank God.. Just physical, mental and very much emotionally. My mother only stopped him once. When he was going to throw a lamp at me when I called the police on him for beating my mother and us.. We always went to stay with her friends or my Aunties. The cops knew us kids by name. They would take him to the coffee shop and then bring him back. My mom would lock us in the bedroom with her with all the furniture against the door so he could not get to us.. It was awful..  I moved back home with my mom and Earl ( Erk the jerk) when I was 23. I had just had my son Ryan and his father had left me without a job, car and my apartment. I worked for him as a cocktail waitress and he fired me cause I wouldnt have an abortion.. I hated it but I had no where else to go. I guess thats why mom let us go through so much abuse. Anyway, Earl hated me and my mother and sis were kinda jealous of me cause I was single and could do as I wanted. I spent alot of time at the bars when I should have been home with my son. I guess I was trying to find someone to love me.. In a bar for Godsakes. But anyway, my mother and sister thought my life was wonderful and wanted to live like I had. My sister divorced her husband and started going out. My mother also started going out all the time.. This really made Earl angry and he always acused me of being the one that got her to wanting to be out. One night I had gone to bed early and had Ryan in his crib in my room. No one was home. Earl came home very drunk and realized my mother wasnt home. He got a rifle out of the closet and started marching up and down the hall, cocking the rifle and yelling that he was going to kill her. He had not realized I was in my bedroom. I just prayed to God that he would not realize I was home cause I knew for sure he would come in drunk and take me out. I also prayed Ryan would not wake up and give us away as I crawled under my bed to hide. He marched up and down the hall talking to his self and cocking his rifle. I was scared to death and tried not to breath as I know he would have killed me. He carried on this way for atleast two hours. Stopping to drink more and call all of us names under his breath, use the bathroom (right next to my room) and cock his rifle. Two hours, I hid under that bed, praying for my life. I dont remember ever being that scared.. After awhile he was walking alot slower and hitting the walls with the butt of his gun. The walking just got slower and slower until I heard a big thump.. After that I never heard another sound. He had passed out in the hall with the rifle. I still did not dare leave from under my bed. About 45 more minutes passed and I heard the frontroom door open. My mother walked down the hall, took the rifle out of Earls hands and started calling my name and came into my room and turned the light on. She asked where I was and I told her. She was so flaming drunk she didnt even realize what I had gone through for the last few hours... I will never forgive her or him for that.. She just laughed it off. Sometimes my mother would wait for Earl to come home and if she knew he was drinking, she would call him into the bathroom. AT that time all us kids knew what was going to happen. She would tell him something bad about one of us so she would not get the beating. Myself and my sister and two of my brothers would wonder who was going to get it... We hated that bathroom and what my mother would do to protect herself.. Hell the two boys were his and my mothers. But he would usually come out and say " you fucking worthless whores" and then it was either my sister or me that had to pay. But it also happened to them..  Earl is dead now but I have never forgotten what he did to all of us. This is just one of a thousand examples.. I have forgiven but will never forget.. I also shall never forgive my mother for letting us go through this and then adding to the pain.. I could never do this to one of mine.  I may have worked in the bars and played in them but I would never let any person place or thing hurt my children like my mother and step father did us. My father knew and still would not protect my sister and I.. How sad is that? Enuf said.. Maybe I will tell more in the future.. My kids could have never lived under the conditions that my brothers, sister and I lived under.. And then my mother wonders why we all have so many problems....  I love all my friends here one and all. We all have had things that hurt us, trigger us and maybe keep us from feeling the love that we so desperately have needed in our lives.. But I really do love and appreciate you all. If it were not for you and my kids, I would not be doing as well as I am.. I would do anything to keep my friends from ever having to go through abuse.. I just wish I could do more.. Stay safe, and dont let anyone make you feel worthless. You are all wonderful and I know that for a fact.. Please believe me when I tell you this.. I have never met a better bunch of human beings in my life.. We all deserve the best that life has to offer.. Peace.. Y'Vonne