Triggered

I went Arfinator on the handyman this morning. Woofin' loud enough to shake the windows on a high rise office building. The good news(?) being that I didn't need to shake every penthouse window on main street. Just enough that I cleared the job site enough to get back to work myself. Sorta. The distraction and his wordy preferences are gone, but my focus is not doing well. I am bouncing from task to task without getting too far on any of those tasks.

I believe I am double triggered.

1) HM's (handyman's) performance so far has reminded me an awful lot of the times I have paid my Eldest Son for work. The man is 60. I am getting visions of my 85 year old self, still arguing with a 60 year old child. Resuming my "Let Go and Let God" meditations for that one. Really don't even want to go there.

2) Dumb Broad triggered. Specifically, I find myself with flashbacks to the psychotic break which brought an end to may construction career in 1995. On the commercial construction sites, all of my mentors and quite a few of my bosses were consistently impressed with my handling of the "Marky Machos." Those would be the problem children one can find on most any construction site. Usually they are young men with far more hormones than experience and expertise for all on every subject, especially the subjects where they have no experience. Sometimes they are old men who never grew up, but not too many. By 40, their reputation typically preceeds them. Marky Machos are not only difficult to work with, they are all too often safety hazards for the entire job site. They are too busy experting and/or playing grab-ass to notice safety issues like where they leave tools or place their ladders. My handling of HM is rather typical of how I handled the Marky Machos. Brief, to the point, with zero room for argument. The Bitch is arfin'. Clear the set or prepare to get bit.

I have had allot more help with my domestic issues than my career issues. No, MS. Steinem, I don't believe a law mandating my job title as "Lead Person" or any amount of grammar correction is going to solve the complex issues that come up when an entire commercial job site falls silent to watch little ol' me walk across the job site with a tool box/belt. I will be anxious to see what kind of progress your expertise can make when you take off your lawyer costume and put on a tool belt. Not too many people on my therapy support network, male or female, have allot of experience with being a construction boss. I still haven't met another female construction boss.

At this point in time, I believe my Dumb Broad triggers are far more significant than my domestic triggers. For now, my main domestic triggers have geographical insulation. None of them are here. They are still in my heart, but they are not here and in God I trust.

Seems logical to me that the current effort to build an aeroponics lab is going to trigger the Dumb Broad Show more than once before the work is done. I sorely crave peace on that set.

I am tempted to call it a triple trigger. HM is a chatty fellow who is extremely hard for me to hear and he can't seem to catch on to that simple fact. Not too much of what he says seems worth repeating. His inability to remember my hearing handicap is yet another distraction which serves as a constant reminder of that handicap. Please save your clever chit chat for folks with hearing as good as yours. I really don't want to come down off a ladder to hear about your gf's latest spa enhancements. That clever chit chat sounds like a droning fly in between the few words I can catch. Buzz, buzz, buzz, sexy mama, buzz, buzz, buzz. . . Can we get back to work now?