Trigger warning - rape & SH

I was raped years ago by a 'friend'. Passed out and woke up with him ontop of me. And now, 20/2/19, I was raped again. I had known the guy for over a year, he was a friend from work and he used to give me lifts home sometimes. He had seen and spoken to my partner before and I thought he was an alright mate. Asked if I wanted a lift that day because he had to drop something off in the area I lived anyway. It wasn't until I was in the car, seatbelt on, that he said he got a text telling him to go somewhere else first. He had done a few things like that before so I felt okay about it and thought I knew he would take me home straight after. He stopped at a shop, came back with alcohol and I felt a little uneasy then. I asked if he was done and ready to take me home. And I realised we were already heading the wrong way. We parked outside a set of flats but it was away from the main roads or any people from what I could tell. I sat in the car as he got out. He opened my door and told me to come to. I sad Id stay in the car but he wouldn't have it. I tried to leave my bag in the car so I had a reason to get out of the place asap if anything happened but he saw it and told me he didn't want his car broken into so I had to take my bag. He grabbed my arm as we got to a lift. I asked where we were, what he was doing and how long it would take. He just kept telling me to relax before he pulled his keys out and said that we were at his house. He said that his wife and son were away for the night so it was the perfect opportunity. I didn't know what he meant. I just stood in the living room looking at him confused. He asked me if I wanted to shower. To which I said, no. I'll have one when I get home.. "Don't be silly have a shower here" he said. I protested again and again until he took me into the bathroom and left me there.. I stood there panicked. I didn't know what to do, what was going on. And after a few seconds, he let himself in. He kept telling to stop being silly to get in the shower, saying we'll sit down for a while after and then he would drop me home.  Eventually, I said ok. I locked the door and turned the shower on thinking I could get away with just sitting there for 5mins or so and come out. But no. He unlocked the door from the outside and got angry saying I was acting so stupid tonight and to just get in. So I asked him to go out and assured him I would shower. Closed the door and listened for a second, he walked towards where the front door was. I felt scared then. Got in the shower and closed the curtain incase he unlocked the door and looked again. He let himself in, and I froze. He moved the curtain and I tried to cover myself. He made comments about my body and slapped my bum. I told him to leave and he laughed. I got out after that and was just about to get dressed when he appeared again I questioned what the hell he was doing and asked him to leave me to get dressed but he grabbed my arm again and took me straight to a bedroom opposite the bathroom. I faught so hard against him, I told him I didn't want to, I wanted to go home. He was too heavy. He held me down and kept slapping me around the face telling me I liked it rough because I was a whore. He managed to force his fingers inside and it hurt so much! He was so rough I felt sore everywhere. When he had finished.... I asked if I could leave. No. I asked to have a cigarette because I knew I had my phone in my bag that he didn't know about and I wanted the chance to get help. He said I could and I rushed to my bag. My sister was already phoning me, I answered, quickly told her I needed help, that I had been raped and roughly what area I was in before he called and I had to hide the phone quickly. When I went on to the small balcony, I looked for ways to get help or climb down. I found nothing. He had gone into the kitchen as I looked round, so I quickly pulled out my phone. Again, it was already ringing and it was the police. I whispered to them as many details of my location as I could but they had no idea. I burnt myself with my cigarette realising I wasn't going to get help. I had a few seconds after my cigarette to attempt to escape but the only way down was a lift and he caught me and dragged me back in before it had came. He raped me again. I faught, I really tried but his hits to my face got harder until I couldn't take it and said I would let him do what he wanted if he didn't hit me anymore. After the escape attempt he wouldn't let me out of his sight. He kept forcing me to drink vodka and coke while laughing at me being "feisty" and saying I was "giving him a work out". I went to the bathroom and he stood by the door. I self harmed with his razor, I didn't know what to do. I felt disgusting. He kept calling me names for not being grateful as I sat there on the sofa, shaking, unable to take in what was happening. Grateful for what?

The third time that night, he bent me on all fours as I still faught and pleaded with him to let me go home util he managed to grab my hair. He twisted it around his wrist and held me in place. Because I wasn't "ready" he squirted moisturiser or something on my back and I just couldn't fight anymore.. I just tried to let my body go numb until it stopped. Eventually, after the third time, I was sitting curled up on his sofa asking and asking to leave. And he finally said I could. So I got up, grabbed my things and got out as quickly as possible. I didn't know what time it was or where I was but I walked as quickly as I could away from that place. I found a path straight away where cars couldn't go and the second I got to that path I called my sister and told her all the roads I could see and every shop until I was picked up and brought home.