Tried To Go Next Door Saw My Friend And My Daughters Car Accident
Today (Monday) and tomorrow (Tuesday) I see my therapist. But I’m going to be brief because I don’t have much time to write with all the plannings before my trip, my daughter and many other things going on right now. But I came in and started talking about my husband and how much he talked with her the other day but I thought I was with his brother. I loved him very much but he was full of hot air. My husband said good things and made sense but doesn’t do it. She said he needs to follow through. Yes!
I told her how my son was very inconsiderate to me on the phone Saturday and the whole thing that happened with offering the pillows and bedding and the truck time. How rushed he was with me and said how unimportant things are. Then I got mad at my husband for not telling him not to do that to his Mom. He called him and he was the same with him (she had asked that before) but I guess he doesn’t catch it or care. Then I called him. He called me 2X but I didn’t want to talk until my husband talked to him. Anyway it settled out but I was so mad I left for an hour. I just sat on a parking lot. She said how my husband is my best friend and she sees how he loves me and just needs to be consistent. He knows I want to laugh and have fun on this trip.
I told her about my daughter, her boyfriend and his daughter being in a car accident yesterday. She can’t move her neck very well, has a big bump and laceration on her head and such. I started telling her going next door and finished later. Also how my grandson today has 102.5 temperature is achy and a headache and cough. She acted like that’s life. But I’m scared – I can’t get it! My husband can’t get it! I told her I went to Walgreens and got Zycam. She uses the same thing and she says it works.
Also for Mother’s Day we went to the bird place (she’s been). We’ve gone before on Mother’s Day and I told her I didn’t want to go because I was afraid. But my grandson had to go to the bathroom when we got there so he went with me. He said I don’t know how badly he has to go. She knows how I do! He was holding himself and I told her like we were just talking about it. But then went on quickly. Then my other son and his girlfriend came over and it was very nice.
Only a few minutes after I got there I needed to go to the bathroom and told her I wanted to go next door. She questioned it wondering if I had enough time thinking of the 5-6 minutes I usually have. I told her yes – I just started to need to go but then realized what she was thinking. She didn’t think I had time to go over and come back and then go to the bathroom successfully. She didn’t want me to have an accident. I didn’t either! But I told her I can do it.
So we left. It was pretty crowded over there – still in the lunch time. Who sees me was my guy friend we have breakfast with on Sunday mornings. When we got there we got separated by a man and his child and she just walked on through. I wanted to stop at the bakery counter but I guess she didn’t know that. Then he saw me and she just kept on walking. He heard about my daughter and told me to go order. I told him to call me in about an hour and a half.
I caught up to my therapist. She looked like she was going to walk out but still not really with me the whole time. I told her I wanted to buy something. So she stopped. She was next to a lady that said she liked her green top. She thanked her. Later I said I think that was one of the owner’s daughters. I met her once and thankfully she didn’t recognize me. After knowing I couldn’t be waited on right away. I told her. “Let’s go.” So we went out. She told me it’s good to be safe.
On the way back I told her who the guy was and he probably learned on Facebook through his wife. But coming back on the parking lot I couldn’t do it any longer and started going to the bathroom. I lagged behind her and she had told me we’ll go upstairs to go but I don’t think she knew what was happening. So she went in first, I hesitated while she held the door open for me (wanted to make sure no one was in there) and I went into the bathroom to change while she went back to her office to wait for me. I think she briefly glanced down but I don’t think she saw anything because I was hiding by the doorway as much as I could.
When I came back out she asked me what happened. She wanted to know if I was successful or not because she didn’t see anything. No. She asked me at what point did I know I couldn’t do it. I said it was OK talking to my guy friend (I’ll have to tell him I didn’t know her) but when we got out on the parking lots. She asked me if I knew when we were inside to use the restroom there. No, I thought at that point I could make it back inside. She said something about the doctor saying about me having weak muscles. Yes. So that was it. Later, after feeling badly inside, I asked her if I should just forget about what happened. Yes!
When I needed to go again she asked me if she should watch the clock for me or if I wanted to go. Then I thought to put on big bertha to get used to it. Actually I did that a little after we got back. She thought that was a good idea. She turned around to her little trinkets while I put one on – she said it didn’t matter which one. I had her look after and she said she could not see it at all. When I did have to go I told her and then I remember asking her at 3 minutes. Then a couple minutes later I told her I couldn’t hold it any longer. She said OK. I told her not to look at me. She didn’t – just looked straight ahead.
Then after I said I should look. Oh, she had asked me if I wanted to do this sitting or standing. I told her it didn’t matter. She said if I sit I should sit on something. So I took my jeans and the other big bertha out of the bag and sat on that. So after I got up and looked and saw nothing. “Yeah” she said. Yes! At least I could fall back on that. But I felt bad. I didn’t really say though. She said if I can not look at it as a diaper – just a helpful friend. Like the astronauts use.
We talked about when I would use it. At night. I asked, “Every night?” She said, “If you want to sleep? If you want to stay awake all night you could not.” I asked even with my husband. She thought so and again saying if I want to sleep (kind of a sarcastic laugh). I didn’t want him to know. She said he’s my friend – it would be OK. Just like feminum protections. And when I feel like I need the protection during the day on this “wacky” trip she called it to use it more often than not. We also went through the logistics of where and when a little.
I got the feeling again today of her being tired of it all. I didn’t say but so am I. I went away feeling bad again. Like she’s not really with me on this and because it’s such a pain and bother. Like she’ll be so happy to not have to deal with this an me while I’m gone. She tried to say how hard I’ve worked on this but I just don’t feel it. I want to be excited about the trip. I don’t want to worry about things. I don’t! I’m just not there now because I’m feeling badly. I hope so much by the time I see her tomorrow I’ll be there. Maybe we’ll do worries if I have time to do them and then put them in the worry box. I’d like her to write something to me and a phone message on my cell phone. And I’d like to work out some contact while I’m gone. I feel badly for wanting this. She’s on vacation too. I wish so much I wasn’t like this!
OK … it’s Tuesday and I went to my therapist. I told her how I’m starting to get excited about the trip and she thought that was super. And the fact that I have to put aside all the other things including worries and just enjoy. She said how mature that’s sounding. Yes but I have to follow through on it. We talked about how long (forever) I’ve been wanting to take a trip like this. Yes.
We talked about a few little things but I did my worry cards in the box I brought in. She commented on it as soon as I came in and I thought maybe she was expecting me to bring it in. She said no she forgot but recalls I do this. First I wanted to see how we can work out about what if I need her. I hate – I really do hate – to have to call her. She said she’ll be in the office the next week and I can reach her there. But that week she’s out there on vacation (she said how she really needs it) and she really can’t be reached and she really doesn’t want me to call her office to leave messages. That makes me sad. I’m the first one to say about her being on vacation, too but it just makes me sad and put out (didn’t say that).
In emergency I can call her cell phone. Or her office to leave a message but she really doesn’t want me doing that. But she wants me to work on soothing myself instead of calling. She said it’s not reality to talk to a machine. I told her it works for me. It’s gets it out for me to move on and I don’t want to bother her personally. She said when I get back we need to work on self sooth. She showed me a book she uses for people who overeat and not use food. Kind of like me – it’s not good for them to have that gallon of ice cream. So we did a letter and she did a phone call to help. I’ll try not to call. I will try. But it’s when I’m in that situation that makes it really hard not to – to know someone’s listening.
I need to do this within myself and she said we need to step things up a notch to do this. I feel bad I’m not there yet. She said things can change in almost an instant. I said hopefully good. She said good, bad, neutral. I didn’t say but I’m so afraid of her leaving/moving. I’m hoping it never happens but I’m guessing she’s trying to prepare me for just in case. She really doesn’t know how so very fearful I am of that and separation. Well, maybe she knows but maybe not how deep it is and how hurtful it would be. I’m still hoping it’ll never happen!
When I needed to go to the bathroom at first I just moved my legs a little. She asked me if I wanted to go and take a bathroom break. I told her I want to try to wait a little but I am not going to have an accident today – no way! She said that is good. It’s strange how she noticed and said something because it’s always me just telling her. I think she just knows about the time I usually need to go and wanted to be sure I didn’t wait too long today. Me too!
I also told her when I came in that she will be happy to know I don’t want to go next door today. She was happy. I told her we’ll do that when I get back. She said that sounds good. So at about 5 minutes I asked (it didn’t seem like 5 minutes but she said it was – maybe 3 or 4). Again, I’m thinking she just wanted to be sure. It got harder but we just kept on. By about 7 minutes I was really starting to struggle. She told me, “You probably need to go. It’s been 7 minutes.” When I said I would and got up she told me, “Good”. So I did and came back. I think we both wanted success today just as bad.
She also talked about going to the little Russian pharmacy and finding a walker to rent for her friend who just broke her ankle. And mothers day going to the big park and walking to the top of steps and finding free smoothies. She said to be in tune and with the excitement of things and good things will happen. To stay away from worry and fear because then these things won’t happen. To be in the present moment and maybe these good things will happen.
OK … here’s my little cards for the worry box. She put the lady on the shelf to watch over them while I’m gone and pray for me. We smiled. I read them one by one while she listened.
1. Having accidents in front of people – especially my son.
2. Anyone finding out about the night time.
3. Anyone seeing any of my products.
4. Big Bertha or Little Bertha not working.
5. Having to stop too much to go to the bathroom.
6. Husband or son being mad at me for my problem – or anything else.
7. I won’t drink enough and I’ll go backwards with my progress or get diverticulitis or
something else.
8. Being overly tired and falling asleep and having an accident.
9. I’ll get too overly confident and think I don’t have this problem.
10. I’ll get into that shame mode and ruin things for myself and others. Or getting really
angry at myself for it.
11. Running out of clothes. Or running out of products.
12. Being cold all the time or a lot which makes me have to go to the bathroom more.
13. Feeling really shameful about Big or Little Bertha. And not using it when I should
have.
14. Car accidents or breakdowns.
15. Sickness of me or anyone else (including throwing up – no one to).
16. Any of us getting hurt or injured.
17. My son’s dogs being mean or making trouble.
18. Fighting with my husband.
19. Fighting with my son.
20. Earthquakes. Tornados.
21. Spending too much money that we don’t have.
22. Todd missing out on interviews.
23. Bad things happening at home when I’m not here.
24. The kids here looking through my stuff and finding “things”.
25. My cousins not being receptive to us if we go.
26. Seeing my Aunt again maybe and maybe for the last time.
27. Windy, high, narrow and hard roads to travel.
28. I’ll feel sad, and all alone with my feelings.
Here’s what she said in the letter we worked on together:
Dear (My Name)
I hope you are enjoying every part of your trip. This is an exciting opportunity so don’t miss any of it. You have wanted to do this for such a long time. If something bad happens you can work through it. You are a good person who just experienced a challenge and you can use coping skills to get out of it.
1 A mind set that reminds me that I am a good person & what ever happens is OK.
2 Breathe, Shake it off let it go.
3 Get some alone time
4 Don’t react, know it will pass
5 Listen to music
6 Write it down & feel God/or mother/ftr with you (me scratched out) reading it and hearing it.
7 Stick up for yourself
8 Be confident
9 Be prepared – use your products wisely, don’t fall into denial
10 Shame is not helpful If something happens remember you are a good person and you are doing your best. Look at it differently – choose to let it go Distract yourself – get interested in something – move. You are capable adult who is very resourceful.
11 Even if (my husband) doesn’t follow through or (my son) is ridiculous know they still love you!
And here is the voice mail message she left me:
Hi (My Name) I hope you’re having a wonderful trip. If something happens remember to use all the resources we just talked about and know that you’re a good person and that the people you’re with love you very, very much. It’s just that sometimes they, they’re not at their best sometimes and they may be showing you a bad side of themselves or something may happen and you may be disappointed in yourself. But just remember that doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make them a bad person. So … breath, you know shake it off, let it go. Get excited about all the things around you that there are to do or what the next thing is that you might do and if, you know, something happens and it’s embarrassing or it’s disappointing just handle it and move on. Don’t let it take away a moment of your enjoyment of this trip because it’s just too important to make the most of it. You’ve waited your whole life to do this and now you have a chance to do it. So really make the best of it. So again, I wish you well and hope you’re enjoying every experience that comes your way. Take care.
OK so now I leave tomorrow morning and I have to be really excited. I am. I can’t let fear get in the way and I can’t let the way my husband acts or son acts get in the way. I have to enjoy and make the best of everything. I do worry about money and what will happen when we get back to reality and especially no job. That will really hurt. And now he found out (he told me when I got back home) his supervisor can’t give him a recommendation and his contacts are asking for it. That sucks! I told him to call him and he wasn’t confident enough to me. I’m scared.
And I also have to try my very best to not call my therapist either directly or as a voice message. At least until after she comes back from vacation on the 24th. That’s so far away! I don’t want to feel like a failure for calling and I don’t want her to mad at me if I do. I just don’t know how everything will play out and I have to feel comfortable myself. OK I need to go and enjoy. Enjoy the scenery, the fun things we do and my family! Yes!
I told her how my son was very inconsiderate to me on the phone Saturday and the whole thing that happened with offering the pillows and bedding and the truck time. How rushed he was with me and said how unimportant things are. Then I got mad at my husband for not telling him not to do that to his Mom. He called him and he was the same with him (she had asked that before) but I guess he doesn’t catch it or care. Then I called him. He called me 2X but I didn’t want to talk until my husband talked to him. Anyway it settled out but I was so mad I left for an hour. I just sat on a parking lot. She said how my husband is my best friend and she sees how he loves me and just needs to be consistent. He knows I want to laugh and have fun on this trip.
I told her about my daughter, her boyfriend and his daughter being in a car accident yesterday. She can’t move her neck very well, has a big bump and laceration on her head and such. I started telling her going next door and finished later. Also how my grandson today has 102.5 temperature is achy and a headache and cough. She acted like that’s life. But I’m scared – I can’t get it! My husband can’t get it! I told her I went to Walgreens and got Zycam. She uses the same thing and she says it works.
Also for Mother’s Day we went to the bird place (she’s been). We’ve gone before on Mother’s Day and I told her I didn’t want to go because I was afraid. But my grandson had to go to the bathroom when we got there so he went with me. He said I don’t know how badly he has to go. She knows how I do! He was holding himself and I told her like we were just talking about it. But then went on quickly. Then my other son and his girlfriend came over and it was very nice.
Only a few minutes after I got there I needed to go to the bathroom and told her I wanted to go next door. She questioned it wondering if I had enough time thinking of the 5-6 minutes I usually have. I told her yes – I just started to need to go but then realized what she was thinking. She didn’t think I had time to go over and come back and then go to the bathroom successfully. She didn’t want me to have an accident. I didn’t either! But I told her I can do it.
So we left. It was pretty crowded over there – still in the lunch time. Who sees me was my guy friend we have breakfast with on Sunday mornings. When we got there we got separated by a man and his child and she just walked on through. I wanted to stop at the bakery counter but I guess she didn’t know that. Then he saw me and she just kept on walking. He heard about my daughter and told me to go order. I told him to call me in about an hour and a half.
I caught up to my therapist. She looked like she was going to walk out but still not really with me the whole time. I told her I wanted to buy something. So she stopped. She was next to a lady that said she liked her green top. She thanked her. Later I said I think that was one of the owner’s daughters. I met her once and thankfully she didn’t recognize me. After knowing I couldn’t be waited on right away. I told her. “Let’s go.” So we went out. She told me it’s good to be safe.
On the way back I told her who the guy was and he probably learned on Facebook through his wife. But coming back on the parking lot I couldn’t do it any longer and started going to the bathroom. I lagged behind her and she had told me we’ll go upstairs to go but I don’t think she knew what was happening. So she went in first, I hesitated while she held the door open for me (wanted to make sure no one was in there) and I went into the bathroom to change while she went back to her office to wait for me. I think she briefly glanced down but I don’t think she saw anything because I was hiding by the doorway as much as I could.
When I came back out she asked me what happened. She wanted to know if I was successful or not because she didn’t see anything. No. She asked me at what point did I know I couldn’t do it. I said it was OK talking to my guy friend (I’ll have to tell him I didn’t know her) but when we got out on the parking lots. She asked me if I knew when we were inside to use the restroom there. No, I thought at that point I could make it back inside. She said something about the doctor saying about me having weak muscles. Yes. So that was it. Later, after feeling badly inside, I asked her if I should just forget about what happened. Yes!
When I needed to go again she asked me if she should watch the clock for me or if I wanted to go. Then I thought to put on big bertha to get used to it. Actually I did that a little after we got back. She thought that was a good idea. She turned around to her little trinkets while I put one on – she said it didn’t matter which one. I had her look after and she said she could not see it at all. When I did have to go I told her and then I remember asking her at 3 minutes. Then a couple minutes later I told her I couldn’t hold it any longer. She said OK. I told her not to look at me. She didn’t – just looked straight ahead.
Then after I said I should look. Oh, she had asked me if I wanted to do this sitting or standing. I told her it didn’t matter. She said if I sit I should sit on something. So I took my jeans and the other big bertha out of the bag and sat on that. So after I got up and looked and saw nothing. “Yeah” she said. Yes! At least I could fall back on that. But I felt bad. I didn’t really say though. She said if I can not look at it as a diaper – just a helpful friend. Like the astronauts use.
We talked about when I would use it. At night. I asked, “Every night?” She said, “If you want to sleep? If you want to stay awake all night you could not.” I asked even with my husband. She thought so and again saying if I want to sleep (kind of a sarcastic laugh). I didn’t want him to know. She said he’s my friend – it would be OK. Just like feminum protections. And when I feel like I need the protection during the day on this “wacky” trip she called it to use it more often than not. We also went through the logistics of where and when a little.
I got the feeling again today of her being tired of it all. I didn’t say but so am I. I went away feeling bad again. Like she’s not really with me on this and because it’s such a pain and bother. Like she’ll be so happy to not have to deal with this an me while I’m gone. She tried to say how hard I’ve worked on this but I just don’t feel it. I want to be excited about the trip. I don’t want to worry about things. I don’t! I’m just not there now because I’m feeling badly. I hope so much by the time I see her tomorrow I’ll be there. Maybe we’ll do worries if I have time to do them and then put them in the worry box. I’d like her to write something to me and a phone message on my cell phone. And I’d like to work out some contact while I’m gone. I feel badly for wanting this. She’s on vacation too. I wish so much I wasn’t like this!
OK … it’s Tuesday and I went to my therapist. I told her how I’m starting to get excited about the trip and she thought that was super. And the fact that I have to put aside all the other things including worries and just enjoy. She said how mature that’s sounding. Yes but I have to follow through on it. We talked about how long (forever) I’ve been wanting to take a trip like this. Yes.
We talked about a few little things but I did my worry cards in the box I brought in. She commented on it as soon as I came in and I thought maybe she was expecting me to bring it in. She said no she forgot but recalls I do this. First I wanted to see how we can work out about what if I need her. I hate – I really do hate – to have to call her. She said she’ll be in the office the next week and I can reach her there. But that week she’s out there on vacation (she said how she really needs it) and she really can’t be reached and she really doesn’t want me to call her office to leave messages. That makes me sad. I’m the first one to say about her being on vacation, too but it just makes me sad and put out (didn’t say that).
In emergency I can call her cell phone. Or her office to leave a message but she really doesn’t want me doing that. But she wants me to work on soothing myself instead of calling. She said it’s not reality to talk to a machine. I told her it works for me. It’s gets it out for me to move on and I don’t want to bother her personally. She said when I get back we need to work on self sooth. She showed me a book she uses for people who overeat and not use food. Kind of like me – it’s not good for them to have that gallon of ice cream. So we did a letter and she did a phone call to help. I’ll try not to call. I will try. But it’s when I’m in that situation that makes it really hard not to – to know someone’s listening.
I need to do this within myself and she said we need to step things up a notch to do this. I feel bad I’m not there yet. She said things can change in almost an instant. I said hopefully good. She said good, bad, neutral. I didn’t say but I’m so afraid of her leaving/moving. I’m hoping it never happens but I’m guessing she’s trying to prepare me for just in case. She really doesn’t know how so very fearful I am of that and separation. Well, maybe she knows but maybe not how deep it is and how hurtful it would be. I’m still hoping it’ll never happen!
When I needed to go to the bathroom at first I just moved my legs a little. She asked me if I wanted to go and take a bathroom break. I told her I want to try to wait a little but I am not going to have an accident today – no way! She said that is good. It’s strange how she noticed and said something because it’s always me just telling her. I think she just knows about the time I usually need to go and wanted to be sure I didn’t wait too long today. Me too!
I also told her when I came in that she will be happy to know I don’t want to go next door today. She was happy. I told her we’ll do that when I get back. She said that sounds good. So at about 5 minutes I asked (it didn’t seem like 5 minutes but she said it was – maybe 3 or 4). Again, I’m thinking she just wanted to be sure. It got harder but we just kept on. By about 7 minutes I was really starting to struggle. She told me, “You probably need to go. It’s been 7 minutes.” When I said I would and got up she told me, “Good”. So I did and came back. I think we both wanted success today just as bad.
She also talked about going to the little Russian pharmacy and finding a walker to rent for her friend who just broke her ankle. And mothers day going to the big park and walking to the top of steps and finding free smoothies. She said to be in tune and with the excitement of things and good things will happen. To stay away from worry and fear because then these things won’t happen. To be in the present moment and maybe these good things will happen.
OK … here’s my little cards for the worry box. She put the lady on the shelf to watch over them while I’m gone and pray for me. We smiled. I read them one by one while she listened.
1. Having accidents in front of people – especially my son.
2. Anyone finding out about the night time.
3. Anyone seeing any of my products.
4. Big Bertha or Little Bertha not working.
5. Having to stop too much to go to the bathroom.
6. Husband or son being mad at me for my problem – or anything else.
7. I won’t drink enough and I’ll go backwards with my progress or get diverticulitis or
something else.
8. Being overly tired and falling asleep and having an accident.
9. I’ll get too overly confident and think I don’t have this problem.
10. I’ll get into that shame mode and ruin things for myself and others. Or getting really
angry at myself for it.
11. Running out of clothes. Or running out of products.
12. Being cold all the time or a lot which makes me have to go to the bathroom more.
13. Feeling really shameful about Big or Little Bertha. And not using it when I should
have.
14. Car accidents or breakdowns.
15. Sickness of me or anyone else (including throwing up – no one to).
16. Any of us getting hurt or injured.
17. My son’s dogs being mean or making trouble.
18. Fighting with my husband.
19. Fighting with my son.
20. Earthquakes. Tornados.
21. Spending too much money that we don’t have.
22. Todd missing out on interviews.
23. Bad things happening at home when I’m not here.
24. The kids here looking through my stuff and finding “things”.
25. My cousins not being receptive to us if we go.
26. Seeing my Aunt again maybe and maybe for the last time.
27. Windy, high, narrow and hard roads to travel.
28. I’ll feel sad, and all alone with my feelings.
Here’s what she said in the letter we worked on together:
Dear (My Name)
I hope you are enjoying every part of your trip. This is an exciting opportunity so don’t miss any of it. You have wanted to do this for such a long time. If something bad happens you can work through it. You are a good person who just experienced a challenge and you can use coping skills to get out of it.
1 A mind set that reminds me that I am a good person & what ever happens is OK.
2 Breathe, Shake it off let it go.
3 Get some alone time
4 Don’t react, know it will pass
5 Listen to music
6 Write it down & feel God/or mother/ftr with you (me scratched out) reading it and hearing it.
7 Stick up for yourself
8 Be confident
9 Be prepared – use your products wisely, don’t fall into denial
10 Shame is not helpful If something happens remember you are a good person and you are doing your best. Look at it differently – choose to let it go Distract yourself – get interested in something – move. You are capable adult who is very resourceful.
11 Even if (my husband) doesn’t follow through or (my son) is ridiculous know they still love you!
And here is the voice mail message she left me:
Hi (My Name) I hope you’re having a wonderful trip. If something happens remember to use all the resources we just talked about and know that you’re a good person and that the people you’re with love you very, very much. It’s just that sometimes they, they’re not at their best sometimes and they may be showing you a bad side of themselves or something may happen and you may be disappointed in yourself. But just remember that doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make them a bad person. So … breath, you know shake it off, let it go. Get excited about all the things around you that there are to do or what the next thing is that you might do and if, you know, something happens and it’s embarrassing or it’s disappointing just handle it and move on. Don’t let it take away a moment of your enjoyment of this trip because it’s just too important to make the most of it. You’ve waited your whole life to do this and now you have a chance to do it. So really make the best of it. So again, I wish you well and hope you’re enjoying every experience that comes your way. Take care.
OK so now I leave tomorrow morning and I have to be really excited. I am. I can’t let fear get in the way and I can’t let the way my husband acts or son acts get in the way. I have to enjoy and make the best of everything. I do worry about money and what will happen when we get back to reality and especially no job. That will really hurt. And now he found out (he told me when I got back home) his supervisor can’t give him a recommendation and his contacts are asking for it. That sucks! I told him to call him and he wasn’t confident enough to me. I’m scared.
And I also have to try my very best to not call my therapist either directly or as a voice message. At least until after she comes back from vacation on the 24th. That’s so far away! I don’t want to feel like a failure for calling and I don’t want her to mad at me if I do. I just don’t know how everything will play out and I have to feel comfortable myself. OK I need to go and enjoy. Enjoy the scenery, the fun things we do and my family! Yes!
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