Trapped, no way out...

Today I feel like I'm drowning again; in over my head and I just want to give up and sink; I'm trippin' and I'm slippin'.  I actually thought about taking drugs (coke) just to try something new; experience whatever trip it sets me on.  A user friend says "no, hell no!"  So, there it is...trapped in this prison of reality with this f**n monster on my back and there's no way out!  I can only refer to the last sentence of my previous journal.  Visions of the future leave me feeling alone & I just want out to avoid the inevitable...