Trapped.
Hello everyone. I am oh so totally trapped at the moment. I feel cornered by ED and I'm afraid I will never recover. I am starving myself crazy and purging up EVERY little thing I eat. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Quarter cup of nuts. Purge. 70 Cal pudding. Purge. Few bites of salad. Purge. I am in very deep with this right now and I don't know how to get out of it. I am very depressed because I feel like I will never be alright. I will never be alright with food and I will always have this motherfucking eating disorder to live with. I go to sleep at night thinking of how I wish my heart would just stop. I am the only person who is so ungrateful for their life and I hate that about myself. I always wonder what would happen after I died. I don't want to keep living in this awful cycle. I am so fucking NUMB and when I do feel it is nothing but anxiety and pain. I hate it. Oh, and there was this boy I liked. I had my friend talk to him for me and see if he liked me back. He said I was really funny and nice, but he saw that I cut and it "weirded him out." That really got me. Like, god almighty, can you really not see past my scars? Am I really not worth it to you? At least give me a chance. I'll try for you. I don't think I will ever find love. Nobody wants to love a broken girl. I am hopeless. I don't know what to do. I am simply trapped.
Replies
You are SO worth loving! broken or not, I\'m a broken girl and I found love...it takes time and someone with patience. If you do really like him maybe try and talk to him about the cutting, it may \"weird\" him out b.c he doesn\'t understand it...people don\'t get why we would want to hurt ourselves.
I love you very much, re-read my letter and remember how wonderful you are....can you get into treatment or see a therapist? You obviously want to stop but you feel trapped if you want to stop and you want help get it, I\'ll help you if I can. XXOO
I feel trapped with it too but there are guys out there that will see past it,just sum1 special though that really loves u! u will find him when the times right!