Trapped

I am trapped, and always have been.  Trapped by my anxiety and feelings of inferiority.  Trapped by the dissapointment and increased anxiety i feel when attempting the break free of these barriers and improve my life.  I am trapped, feeling hopeless, alone, and unloved by everyone except those (my family) who are forced to love me.  I guess thats why i've always felt i was an outsider, that i didnt truly belong.  I guess that's why god constantly toys with me by granting everything that i want or am entitled to, like love, to everyone around me.  I guess thats why i no longer believe.  I guess thats why most people will read (or ignore) this entry, laugh, and claim to have seen worse, or felt worse.  I guess thats why life never gets or will get better; my inferior pains and struggles never seem to match up.  I dont know, i'm just guessing right now because i've lost faith in everything right now...I dont know what to believe..........I dont even feel alive. Its almost like my life was supposed to be miserable.