Transference
During the years my husband and I lived apart, transference was a formal part of my therapy program. The decision to "heal as an orphan" left some gaping holes where my parents and 10 siblings used to serve as my go-to solutions. I acted on this decision after Spring semester of 1976/77 when I set out for the gypsy summer prior to starting in to the University of Houston. I never made it to U of H. I tripped on Austin on the way. I married 3 years later with my older sister as the only blood attendee from my side. Neither of us wanted a big wedding, so we married on a Wednesday to minimize available attendees. How could we have forgotten LBJ's birthday? It is a State holiday in Texas. More than a dozen people witnessed our vows. To this day I am not overly fond of witnesses, however much I might love them as individuals. Most of the peeping toms were my future in-laws. I am not sure I have gotten them out of the future tense yet. I have played with a hefty percentage of our languages and I still can't make hide nor hair of legalese. Laws confuse the hell into me. In-laws included. Especially? They are much closer to home than any of the laws coming out of Washington or even downtown Austin.
My mother-in-law was already meaner than a rattlesnake when I met her. She still had the social faculties to keep it a secret, but it takes one to know one. I still don't have the social training to hide it. God gave me my bite for a reason. Don't tread on me. Most folks prefer warning to retribution. Well, for sure I don't like being stepped on...
As I remember today, most of the pre-separation feuds with my beloved over the in-laws were in defense of my mother- in-law. The only women in this line of Texas gentry are the ones they married. Mother Nature's own good ol' boy club. Wrinkled underwear are their generational pride.
in therapy, the defense of my mother-in-law looked like transference. I missed my own mother. Had all my life. I knew better than to expect intimate mother/daughter chats with her, but I still missed them. Still do. Yes. I do believe I was trying to put my mother-in-law in that role. My beloved fought it tooth and nail. Acceptance precedes understanding. We still canae speak of it easily. I detached as far as necessary to stop the emotional warfare with my beloved. I haven't had much contact with the in-laws since. Dialogue between my beloved and I has began to open up when our youngest began to worry about Juvenile Huntington's. Detaching from in-laws is a whole different ball game than detaching from your son.
My mother-in-law was beginning to feel her Huntington's Disease when we met. The secret was so carefully guarded that I had to figure it out on my own. The maze of that treasure hunt was so convoluted that I still canae tell you when the comic book light bulb went off over my head. For sure it was after the birth of our sons. Here, a few decades down the road, the Huntington's is impossible miss and it remains a heavily guarded secret.
My mother-in-law was already meaner than a rattlesnake when I met her. She still had the social faculties to keep it a secret, but it takes one to know one. I still don't have the social training to hide it. God gave me my bite for a reason. Don't tread on me. Most folks prefer warning to retribution. Well, for sure I don't like being stepped on...
As I remember today, most of the pre-separation feuds with my beloved over the in-laws were in defense of my mother- in-law. The only women in this line of Texas gentry are the ones they married. Mother Nature's own good ol' boy club. Wrinkled underwear are their generational pride.
in therapy, the defense of my mother-in-law looked like transference. I missed my own mother. Had all my life. I knew better than to expect intimate mother/daughter chats with her, but I still missed them. Still do. Yes. I do believe I was trying to put my mother-in-law in that role. My beloved fought it tooth and nail. Acceptance precedes understanding. We still canae speak of it easily. I detached as far as necessary to stop the emotional warfare with my beloved. I haven't had much contact with the in-laws since. Dialogue between my beloved and I has began to open up when our youngest began to worry about Juvenile Huntington's. Detaching from in-laws is a whole different ball game than detaching from your son.
My mother-in-law was beginning to feel her Huntington's Disease when we met. The secret was so carefully guarded that I had to figure it out on my own. The maze of that treasure hunt was so convoluted that I still canae tell you when the comic book light bulb went off over my head. For sure it was after the birth of our sons. Here, a few decades down the road, the Huntington's is impossible miss and it remains a heavily guarded secret.
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