Transcending Circumstance
Or should I say, pushing above, or beyond, circumstance? It's very difficult, of course, when we're bludgeoned by information from all sides, that, among other things, the attainment of material wealth is the key to happiness. While money is a necessary evil, we need it, to keep our bellies fed, roof over our heads and a cushion of safety for the future, the more important goal, more important than the pursuit of money, even the pursuit of love, which, this individual finds, is sometimes enjoyable and sometimes burdensome, is the pursuit of FUN. Fun found within a system of beauracracy, if that is possible.
Fun is found in people, not systems. People can be persuaded. Systems are unwavering, allow no freedom whatsoever, freedom of thought, freedom of expression, freedom to create, only gridlock, a need to control every conceivable detail with an iron fist, and control is an exercise in futility, because people sneak through the cracks of control.
The goal, in this individual, tends to become finding happiness in simple, sensual pleasures, dealing with as little of what we consider aggravation in our jobs as possible, instead using the job to form meaningful and potentially financially fruitful relationships, where an exchange of knowledge and information can indeed powerfully lead to more, and easier, money...
And freeing the mind to attain a state of nirvana in simple things, like just the warm setting sun, a cool breeze on the cheek, the gentle warmth, humor and supportiveness of friendship, a gentle romance found in deeply relaxing and laughing with a treasured, special someone...
In short, this individual craves, and strives to attain, every day, a QUIET life.
Fun is found in people, not systems. People can be persuaded. Systems are unwavering, allow no freedom whatsoever, freedom of thought, freedom of expression, freedom to create, only gridlock, a need to control every conceivable detail with an iron fist, and control is an exercise in futility, because people sneak through the cracks of control.
The goal, in this individual, tends to become finding happiness in simple, sensual pleasures, dealing with as little of what we consider aggravation in our jobs as possible, instead using the job to form meaningful and potentially financially fruitful relationships, where an exchange of knowledge and information can indeed powerfully lead to more, and easier, money...
And freeing the mind to attain a state of nirvana in simple things, like just the warm setting sun, a cool breeze on the cheek, the gentle warmth, humor and supportiveness of friendship, a gentle romance found in deeply relaxing and laughing with a treasured, special someone...
In short, this individual craves, and strives to attain, every day, a QUIET life.
Replies
This is individual has to have a quiet life due to circumstances beyond my control. I got sick in 2009, didn\'t know until 2010 that I have M.E. So I get sensory overload from noise. In the beginning when I was not on any medication, noise hurt me, even my daughter singing or talking to me, the TV, the fan going, it was like I was going mental, it was awful. Now I am a lot better thankfullly with the noise factor because of some medication I take but I still get sensory overload when I\'m tired, or I relapse, and I get it to loud noise, too many sources of noise or information (TV, and stereo and someone talking, computer etc), light, high emotion or stress. Shopping centres are like hell and I couldn\'t go in one for about 18 mths. All the lights, people talking, objects, items, visual and auditory info coming at you. Now I can go into a shopping centre but I still feel overwhelmed and it\'s not the sensory overload that\'s a problem for me as much as my ability to be upright and standing for prolonged periods as I got Diastiolic Heart Failure from the M.E (they call it CFIDS or CFS in the US - stupid name for a serious illness, people die from it).
Anyway, I had a professional career, registered psychologist, until wham bam, in March 2010, I was brought to my knees and in and out of hospital with a rare and wacky infection.... and welcome to the world of M.E and the chenobyl disaster of health it brings with it. I spent over a year bedridden until April this year, and went through the whole grief and loss thing of letting go of everything.
I lost my health, my job, my identity, some friends and collegues, the relationship with my daughter\'s father (good thing), my independence, self-esteem, my ability to parent my daughter like I used to as I couldn\'t be upright or standing for long and I had to move back in with my elderly parents.
My 70 year-old Dad became my carer (and he was already the carer for my mum who has had very severe M.E and Diastolic Heart Failure for 16 years and she may pass from it soon) and he also cared for my 8 year old daughter because I couldn\'t stand long enough to cook or shower. It was the darkest time in my life.
But, the story does get better, let\'s not end it here. No, no, no....I have improved a bit and wanted my independence back and some space, I was going insane, and a house that I loved came up for rent 3 doors up from my folks and I took it. A cute blue cottage. And 2 weeks before I moved out my heart meds kicked in and started working, and I was suddenly able to be upright for longer, (I was previously on the bed 24/7) it really was divine timing, and divine orchestration that this house came up for rent.
So I can now cook meals again and stand for longer and drive again a bit locally, and my Dad still helps me a bit but nothing like before. We love the house and just having my independence back again has been so good for my soul and self-esteem, and good for my daughter. I can stand in the shower better too...life is improving. I still relapse and get bedridden for weeks and housebound and when I come out of it I never feel well, ever but I am learning to accept that. I have learnt that nothing is more important than my daughter, our health if we can hang on to it, our family and the people we love, yes I miss work but I don\'t know what my destiny is with that. My memory and cognitive skills have been affected so we\'ll see and my health is still too unstable. I have met a nice man with the same illness and he is flying from the US this week to meet me and we will spend some time together getting to know each other, see how it goes, if we are comaptible. We\'ve been friends for a year. Life is weird and wacky. I have devloped a love for photography and....dare I admit it coins and notes fromm WW2 in Germany. And I can still be kooky and funny when I\'m not in pain. In fact I can be very funny and it is essential. I\'m only 38 and it\'s been a heavy 2 and half years. I\'ve lost so much I need to have a laugh.
That\'s why I like you Koolman. You make me laugh:) WhenI read something you\'ve written it\'s always from the heart but it\'s also usually with a bit of humour and I dig that. You can be vulnerable and be funny. Two cool attributes. So yes, now you know a bit more about me. Jobs come and go. So does money. You know the saying, no one ever lays on their death bed saying they wish they\'d spent more time at the office. So true. My only sadness in life now is how I fall short in what I am able to deliver to my daughter. I always tried to a great mum, and I still try but my illness reigns supreme and when it takes me out, it takes me out. But still I try and focus on all the love I give her when I can, and I try to have fun with her within the limits within which I can live which are different to normal people\'s.
We have FUN by have little wrestles, singing songs, talking in accents, doing craft, lying on the rug in the yard and do pastel drawings, watch her do dances for me, have \"secret baths\" (long story - there\'s a mother-daughter ritual), read together, play games. Lately I took her for lunch and it was a big deal as I hadn\'t done that for 18 mths or longer, it was to a place the \"coffee club\" where we used to always go, and we went out another time for fish n chips on the river.
We also went to the movies in Jan but I shouldn\'t have done that, I wasn\'t well enough then, and was pushing myself because it was school hoidays and I was feeling guilty you see, but I then had a relapse that was nasty and put me in bed and took me 4 mths to get over.
But April when I came out of it, was when I started to improve a bit. The silver lining....
Ah, life....
Well, sorry for going on. I hope you are well and that everything is going ok for you and that you find that quiet gentle life full of the things you seek, with an affectionate soul to share it with:)
Blessings, Jodi.
Wow, quite an earful. Thanks, though, Jodi! Found quiet in my own space. Now...inviting another soul into it...that\'s been the problem. I tend to attract hyper ADD types, control freaks and stress and drama junkies.
Yeh sorry didn\'t mean to write so much about my illlness, just all came out. I think it\'s something I\'m used to talking about with people with ME/CFS on DS who also have it, and I wasn\'t cognisant enough at the time that it was probably too overwhelming or too much info or may not have seemed relevant perhaps to what you were journalling. Sorry again Koolman.