Toxic Trigger
"Toxic" always has been a trigger word in my environmental science work. Get me soap-boxing and NYMBY bashing, it will. . . Where's my supercape? We have ecosystems to protect and Global Warming to address.
The trigger acquired new context when I was declared, "A Toxic Mother" by my middle aged children, typically in conjunction with the crime of not providing enough financial support and/or physical accomodations. Get your non-toxic asses out of my Toxic People Landfill! That was my introduction to the Toxic People fad. The attempt to understand the psycho-toxicity has skidded painfully with the too many NYMBY battles I have faced in my environmental work. Lost in metaphor again. . .
I enjoyed a friendly string of text messages with Eldest Son (37) last night in regards to the possibility of he and his S.O. coming here for a visit. I found myself reacting warmly. Nostalgically? Over the course of the exchange, I was hit by several internet reminders of the Toxic People psychobabble which triggered flashbacks to the Toxic Mother dramas. Triple howl ouch!!!
The text exchange remained non-commital. I think. Hope Toxic Mom didn't just create a new Toxic Soup. Same ol' toxic goop, different address? The track record is certainly well-established and unchallenged.
Sorting. . .
Replies
I have a problem with "toxic" in pyschology, but let it flow... B/c i understand how people wnat to mean it, even if my version of toxic flashes me to "Love Canal" or similar....
Sometimes the best way to stop the chemical toxicity is to remove catalysts. Maybe distance will provide a neutralizing factor? I dunno. I'm clueless.
Support as you sort, Arfie.
Growing up my family home was toxic. I had no emotional needs met, in a college class an assignment was to make a collage. Right in the center was a woman; hair done, pearls, designer dress, earrings to match and perfect makeup. The title "The Missing Mother". My Mom did see the collage and she just said 'Missing Mother' and nothing else.
When I think of my Mom now, I feel the love I never felt as a child, I can now accept she didn't have the 'empathy' I needed. I used Blame for much of my life against what I grew up dealing with.
Hope: I now know my Mom was doing the best she could at the time.
Sending magical chicken soup to heal and wash that toxic away, with Prayers for The Greatest Good fall upon All Concerned.
My voracious appetite for reading turned pop psychology into a problem before I even reached my first therapy appointment in 1972. Not too many pop psychologists agree with one another and my approach to therapy was more literary debate than workable plan. Staying away from pop psychology was one of my very first therapy homework assignments.
Fast forward 40 years, or so, and my habit of ignoring pop psychology fads was established enough for me to miss the evolution of the Toxic Psychology, altogether. It took me a while to connect the "Toxic Mom" name-calling from the middle aged children with the media hoopla behind it.
As for giving up the distance which is currently insulating me from the middle aged son drama. . . Dare I hope for healing? My aging toxic mother heart sure wants to, but I kinda like the relative peace of my Toxic People Landfill. Distance really is a great neutralizer.
still sorting. . .
I think toxic is a very subjective term. What one person might find toxic someone else could consider harmless. Likewise there must also be some kind of spectrum of toxicity, which implies that we are all on it somewhere... or does it? I don't know. Maybe someone could be toxic one day and not toxic the next? I think perhaps I don't understand the term toxic in the context of psychology.
From my experience, toxic from the parental abuse was constant physical and emotional. For years, anger was the format of home....No fuzzy warm hugs. In my 20's I read a book called the Toxic Parent...this book feed my anger, blame, resentments. I can still go to those negative self loathing places when depressed. I gratefully and with Hard Work have tools learned and no longer take "in" those negative messages of my youth. A constant battle though of codependent behavior remains.
it may be interesting.. no, it is interesting to me that i skipped this part. i skipped the 20's book reading socialising, learning, knowing, getting angryw ith parents or other things like that. i was in the middle of brainwahsing land, i didn't hear music of the times either. i missed the whole toxic people phenomena and then some, it is bizarre to hear you discussing this as if everyone has an opinion. i'm learning about it as you are discussing it right now.