tough times

I am going thru a tough time. I am hurting myself a lot. I just hate myself so much that I don't feel like I can help it. I want to stop but I just can't! I was asked to stop but those who know and I want so badly to stop like they wish but that makes it hard for me to stop. I am so overwelmed! I can't deal! I want so badly to be happy with the moments of peace. plus also the time that I do have fun, I want to enjoy it but I can't! Im sad all the time and I can't even get the doctors to help me. They all say the same thing. I fed up! I feel so alone that I just want to cry all the time. I can't handle this crap much longer! What do I do? I have a wound V.A.C. and it is doing what is supposed to but what if it doesn't heal the wound! I am so sick of being sick! Plus there the fact that its winter and all my friends are busy so I am ALL alone! I hate the holidays.