Tough 3rd of March

Hello guys, it’s been 22 days since I’ve initiated contact, yesterday friend was going through my phone and she called him by mistake.. in my mind I said nope, I won’t answer if he tells me anything.. but I can’t deny the disappointment that he didn’t say anything.. I had a little hope, am I an idiot? Lately I’ve been feverish and this weird rash appeared on my body and the doctor said it’s due to the virc process, my immunitary system is awful and I can’t concentrate in my studies.. Almost a month has passed and I can’t tak that idiot from my head. I just want to be me, do my things but I just keep being pushed to this pit of sadness of incontrolable questions of how couldn’t I be enough? How did he go through it so easily? How was I so easy to forget.. What am I doing with my life? I’m just waisting time over and over with this repetitive subject. I feel.. sadness.. only that.. And even having these amazing friends that support me and tell me it’s best this way, that I deserve better, someone to take care of me just as much as i take care of others… I can’t help but feeling lonely. I don’t want to whine.. but I just feel… sad. and Unwanted… and want to run into his arms and stay hugged all day… but his arms are nowhere to be found.. he said he wouldn’t leave and he did.Over and over again.