Totally uterly clueless
I will start this out by saying that him being a man is not and excuse. I will start ouy by saying just because alot of husbands are they same way itis not an excuse. SO Tuesdaay night we went for our adoption orientation and it was great. We went and grabbed a bite to eat afterwards and started talking. Well we ended up in a pretty deep discustion where i told him i was hurt and upset that he doesnt even ask how i am doing with everything. After the failed IUI he never once asked how i was or even asked how i felt about going through the adoption process. I told him I was not ok I have never been ok and am still hurting and upset and him ignoring it makes it that much worse. His stupid excuse is well you were not saying anything so I thought you were ok. WTF really. Are you that stupid.!!!!!!!! I stoped saying things becuase you never understood or helped. SO all that being said you would have thought he would at some point in the following 24 hours talk to me give me a chance to get everything off my chest. But no he didnt. I bet he thinkk we did talk. Ya right. Like i could say and cry over my feeling at MOES eating a taco!!! Get real. SO he is continuing to ignore everthing and acts like im all peachy. He asks why i am on edge but when i tell him he does nothing. Then he has the guts totry to have sex last night. Get real. Not going to happen. If you cant take care of my emotional and mental needs im not taking care of any of yours. I mean if he thinks mentioning it means we talked about it well we mentioned sex also so its like we had it right. I feel like he is being super selfish and not caring about me. I told him I was not ok and he still never talked to me about it. I have no one to talk to about these things but you guys but sometimes i need him in person in the flesh!!!!!
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I\'m sorry you are so upset; men are not as clued into our needs. It\'s great that you told him you were not ok but if he thinks that by saying that it means you\'ve talked (which you haven\'t) maybe you have to come right out and say it \"I\'m not ok and we NEED to sit down and talk about this.\"
Sometimes men need to be told step by step how, when or where to do things. I know it sounds stupid and he should \"know\" that you guys should talk about things, but sometimes they just don\'t.
Give it a try and see what happens and good luck with the adoption.
OMG!!! I had the SAME convo / strong discussion with my husband yesterday .... TWICE!!!! I mean I\'m trying to be a strong woman and not freak out because I believe deep down that won\'t help anything. And I try to insrt positivity in almost everything to try to help the process along - I\'m trying to understand Derek is a guy and doesn\'t pick up on emotional needs like we do. BUT SERIOUSLY!!! It\'s like everytime we turn a huge decision-making corner he sits back and doesn\'t say anything. About egg-donors he said \"I\'m on board.\" Like it was a business transaction! lol It\'s like he doesn\'t know what to say so he doesn\'t say anything at all, which isn\'t working right now.
I finally said, \"I know this is something I\'ve been involved in strongly, but it doesn\'t mean I\'m all peachy, all the time about it. It\'s a path I wasn\'t expecting to take. Am I having second thoughts? No. But that doesn\'t mean I\'m not scared of the unknown!\" I know he\'s trying but sometimes, fair or not, I want to kick him in the shin and say, \"Try harder!\"