Totally Screwed Up

I have been having more bad days than good lately.  I had a problem with my meds. The dr.  raised my cymbalta to 90mg.. I was consumed with anger. Every little thing made me mad...really angry. I have gone back down to 60mg. and I have leveled out some. But while I was angry I got into a couple of argument's with my closest friend of 50 years. Long story short we aren't friends anymore.  I have kept my mouth shut for year's on a couple of subjects.  But for some reason I just blurted out what I was thinking and now she won't talk to me. She and her husband were both pretty mean to me, her husband was down right cruel, and my anger was understandable but I lost it. I know now that she has had a low opinion of me. And, looking back I can see that she wasn't a true friend.  But it still hurts. And I am very angry with myself. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? I could have just let it go but I didn't. Now...fifty years of friendship gone. 
  I've also noticed that now that I am disabled my "friends" have been disapearing. And my girlfriend never once asked me how I was doing. Her husband said he was tired of my whining on FB. I looked back at my posts for the last 2 years and I didn't find any whining. Only a few updates as to what's going on with me. He called me a loser and she let him, he's not one of FB friends. She let him tear me apart because we disagree about a political issue. That hurt. Then she sends me a message saying she would have defended me till her dying day. Really?  She never has. As a matter of fact she's friendly with my ex. The one that smashed in my cheek and nearly destroyed my family. Not a good friend,  huh. Why did I ever think she was?