Total Regression BUT Never Down Or Out
Well, what can I say, it's happened. I've regressed abt as far back as I can go. I'm pretty much back to where I was when Lupus 1st errupted & I was in the rehab for a couple months, pretty much but I like to think not totally that far - so there devil man!!
Since my lupus rash think went wacko I've been on prednisone & will continue with this for a while. Plaquenil will also stay. BUT DARN IT ALL I'll be going back on a wkly injection of Methetrexate. Folic Acid is being thrown into the mix to help counter bad affects from whichever of these drugs (can't remember).
A thing with me is my sensitive stomach to drug overload. It rebels pretty fast most of the time. So he's adding something called Losec to help the tummy issues. I guess cause I told him I was going to stop eating cause it's way too hard right now.
My last glitch in this ugly picture is my questionable bone density & we all know what prednisone can do in that dept. We're going to see abt a treatment that I'll go for just once a yr. It's done on an outpatient day thing & it's given by IV. I have to check & see if I'll have coverage for it.
I'm very very frustrated & other emtions I won't mention cause part of me says darn it I've worked so many yrs to get to this super place & whamo, all gone, back to square 1, literally. I fully know that the Lord knows how our life's plan is to go & we shouldn't really question his wisdom but I'm having moments when that nasty devil man is making me really wonder why, how can this benefit me. I can't see that far. Does this make sense to anyone?????
I'll see him again in a month & that will be the crucial appt as positive results will need to be seen in order to avoid THE CHEMO MONSTER!!!!
One thing I'm going to have to remind myself is that my sister & her depression & my somewhat dysfunctional family are as of today taking second place cause I think "me" has to come 1st for a while.
I so hate to unload like this as I know my dear friends here have their own battles they're fighting & I'm used to being a fighter and cheerleader for you, SO, rest assured I'm still always near if & when anyone needs me. No one counts me out that fast!!!!
I think I need some serious prayer and journal writing time in the privacy of my room later this afternoon. Gonna regroup & meditate also I think. AND THEN OF COURSE COME OUT FIGHTING - RIGHT LOL!!!!
Since my lupus rash think went wacko I've been on prednisone & will continue with this for a while. Plaquenil will also stay. BUT DARN IT ALL I'll be going back on a wkly injection of Methetrexate. Folic Acid is being thrown into the mix to help counter bad affects from whichever of these drugs (can't remember).
A thing with me is my sensitive stomach to drug overload. It rebels pretty fast most of the time. So he's adding something called Losec to help the tummy issues. I guess cause I told him I was going to stop eating cause it's way too hard right now.
My last glitch in this ugly picture is my questionable bone density & we all know what prednisone can do in that dept. We're going to see abt a treatment that I'll go for just once a yr. It's done on an outpatient day thing & it's given by IV. I have to check & see if I'll have coverage for it.
I'm very very frustrated & other emtions I won't mention cause part of me says darn it I've worked so many yrs to get to this super place & whamo, all gone, back to square 1, literally. I fully know that the Lord knows how our life's plan is to go & we shouldn't really question his wisdom but I'm having moments when that nasty devil man is making me really wonder why, how can this benefit me. I can't see that far. Does this make sense to anyone?????
I'll see him again in a month & that will be the crucial appt as positive results will need to be seen in order to avoid THE CHEMO MONSTER!!!!
One thing I'm going to have to remind myself is that my sister & her depression & my somewhat dysfunctional family are as of today taking second place cause I think "me" has to come 1st for a while.
I so hate to unload like this as I know my dear friends here have their own battles they're fighting & I'm used to being a fighter and cheerleader for you, SO, rest assured I'm still always near if & when anyone needs me. No one counts me out that fast!!!!
I think I need some serious prayer and journal writing time in the privacy of my room later this afternoon. Gonna regroup & meditate also I think. AND THEN OF COURSE COME OUT FIGHTING - RIGHT LOL!!!!
Replies
I am amazed at how well your taking all of this. My heart aches as I read and reread your journal and I could feel all your frustration. I am glad you won\'t be needed the Chemo Monster. I will be joining you in prayers as I am sure all your friends on here will do doing also. Never give up and always pray. We all know the power of prayer. You will get better and you will be healed. I command satan to take his hands off you and go back to hell where you belong. I stand of God\'s promises to heal the brokenhearted I claim this healing for my friend Pat and I praise and thank you Lord for her healing. Comfort her Lord, let her feel your presence and hold her close to you. In Jesus name I pray Amen.
I love you Pat, Frieda
I found this prayer . Hope it helps.
Healing Prayer of Isaiah 53
Precious Lord Jesus, I thank you for your enduring love. You came into the world to set me free from the power of darkness. You embraced a violent death on the cross to pay the penalty on my behalf. You suffered the scourging at the pillar, taking the sickness of humanity upon your own flesh, so that I could be healed.
I come before you now to place all my sin upon your cross and ask for your precious blood to wash me clean. I place the penalty for my sinfulness, all my sickness, diseases and infirmities upon your cross, and for the sake of your sorrowful passion, I ask to be set free. I accept your sacrifice and receive your gift of reconciliation. I confess your Lordship over every aspect of my life, heart, mind, body, soul and spirit.
Through the power of your cross Lord Jesus, I now resist all forms of sin, sickness and disease. I say to all forms of sickness and disease caused by my own disobedience, that you are not Gods good and perfect will for my life, and I enforce the power of the cross upon you right now.
By the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I command all forms of sickness and disease to leave my presence immediately. Jesus bore my infirmities. He was wounded for my transgressions. By his stripes I have been healed. No sickness, pain, death, fear or addiction shall ever lord over me again. The penalty has been paid in full. I have been ransomed and redeemed, sanctified and set free. Amen.
I know Im speaking for all of us we are here for each other and we all have ups and downs, time when we stand strong and times when we need someone to lean on. And we are here for you!
All worriers need time to stop and refuel for battle, the troops are standing in prayer for you while you refuel.
This thought keeps me going.I have a friend who asked me how do you do it? How do you get up every day and keep going? And I told her by his grace I stand literally and go on! And I believe that I walk this walk so that those who dont believe can see evidence of how God can and will give us what we need to keep going. It may not be in his plan to heal me but its without doubt in his plan to sustain me!
Luv Darlene
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would take it away if I could. I will certainly pray boldly for you. You have such a good attitude, that counts for so much when it comes to healing.
I don\'t think sickness is always a direct relation to God. Sometimes maybe, but not in every case. I struggled with these thoughts too and I like the place I am in about sickness now much better than before. For example, I think some of us just get sick b/c it\'s in our dna, it\'s part of us, and it\'s part of our life\'s cross to bear. I think things wax and wane, our bodies included. Just because you went one way before doesn\'t mean it will repeat that way. Maybe this is just a reaction to something you were exposed to, which as it moves out of your body, will fade quickly. But, please keep right on fighting! = )
I think you definitely have to come first right now. Think about doing what seems most peaceful to you, OK? If it\'s easiest to not talk to the family at all, can you have hubby tell them you aren\'t feeling well and you\'ll call when you feel better? I\'ve done that and having him buffer things really helped. I\'m so sorry that is adding to the mix right now.
Don\'t worry about unloading on your ds friends. We, (well, I, lol) do it to you, and that\'s what we are all here for!
The folic acid is for the mtx. I\'m so sorry you are struggling with the issue of new meds.
I know how you feel! I still have to say that my mtx is/was a blessing. It gave me my life back. So try to see it positively, so it will work positively. That was a blessing someone shared with me that I\'ll never forget. You and I are cut from the same cloth about that. = )
I too had terrible tummy troubles. If the mtx is injectible, that should help the tummy situation. One thing I did is eat larger meals when I took my meds. I\'d skip a snack so I could better buffer my meds for dinner with more food. It did help though.
Can you get acupuncture now? I hope that\'s possible for you.
Whatever God decides, I KNOW he will be with you and strengthen you through it.
I have this book of prayers that I go to. I found the prayer online, so I am pasting it below:
________________
Dear God,
My body is sick and I am so scared, so weak, so sad.
Please heal me, Lord.
Whatever the words I am supposed to say, whatever the thoughts that would set me free,
I am willing to have them shine into my mind.
For I wish to be released.
Please give me a miracle.
Please give me hope.
Please give me peace.
Lift me up beyond the regions of my pain and despair.
Prepare each cell to be born anew into health and happiness, peace and love.
For You are the power, not this sickness.
You are the truth, not this illusion.
You are my salvation, not the doctor.
I am willing to rise, to let go all false thinking, to release this false condition.
For this is not freedom, and I wish to be free.
This is not peaceful, and I desire peace.
This is not Your will for me, that I would suffer or feel pain.
I accept Your will for me.
I accept Your healing.
I accept Your love.
Please, dear God, help me.
Amen.
- from Illuminata
Prayers for you always.