Torn in some ways...

Ok so where to start...  I'm feeling some kind of way... I would say I'm torn but I also feel myself not caring... I'm not sure if its a good thing or a bad... I have a bio-son that will be 12 on the 11th... and he's all but said he doesn't care bout anything... At first I figured it was because my grandfather passed (they were close)... Then I felt it was because she left assuming it affected him like it did me) Now I'm just lost... He doesn't care that he's pretty much been prisoned since he brought home 3F's and a D, doesn't care that he lost his phone or the house key... Actually told a neighbor it didn't matter because he didn't get into much trouble for it... I got a call today while I was at work... (Working XTRA hard as I'm trying to play catch up as I'm way behind this week...) His teacher said he was removed from class given a zero as he was playing games (even though he says music) instead of doing his work... I tried what my grandfather used to do to me and stopped speaking to him... and even that didn't work... So I took it old school and wore his behind out...
I was fortunate enough to have her come back I guess... I have my own thoughts and ideas that I'm fighting as to why she did but those just may be my defense trying to assure that I don't get hurt... In any case yes she keeps her bio-son and enforces whatever punishment mine has going I guess... Hell I honestly really feel she sleeps all day... Anywho... I was blessed to go to the hairshow this past weekend hoping it would keep me abreast if not ahead of the industry... My only request was that she post ads as I knew with me being gone three days there would be no income... This week I needed $648 by tomorrow to have everything situated... She only posted 1 ad around Wednesday around or after midnight where no1 saw it... I've only made $160... nowhere near what is needed! I'm beyond stressed... this week has been hell! I came back excited about my career my business the opportunity to not only catch up but get ahead and back on my feet... now I understand we don't have a washer or dryer and that clothes get washed in the tub but why couldn't it have been done early enough in the morn that I could come back and wash my ass like normal person after work...
I've handled business before and am used to taking care of mine... I was brought this thing about being a TEAM and I'm not seeing the point... I hate asking for anything and when I do it just confirms my reasoning... Then when I say I don't want to talk about anything I keep getting asked... why not just leave shyt alone... Its been takin care of... I can come back and the whole house is asleep... no the claim is that "we" have a son together (the one she keeps al day) but I've constantly explained how I feel about him being up all night... yet here it is 10:38 and he's just waking up... I've tried to look at it as "ok Kym she's pregnant" but really... you can get on a game religiously but cant figure out how to post ads for me even though you know its what brings in the money... I'm confused... How am I feeling alone when I'm supposedly not... Yes she cooks but hell if I had time to eat I cud do that myself... Even had sum issue with a "thing from the past"... honestly when she told me it didn't really bother me... I couldn't tell if it was the truth or not if there had been previous contact... If she really did take up that offer... As much as thoughts crossed my mind... I'm lost again as to why I didn't feel anything...
I was excited I had an important meeting tonight... and felt good about it but now it too is just blah...
Ultimately I'm torn in so many different directions... Lost... and as much as I feel beaten... I still feel the urge to go after what I want...  even though I feel like it too will fall short as I don't have the help... organization etc that I need...
I just don't know...