Topsy Turvy
My "DH" has decided we no longer belong married. He told me that between our vastly different personalities, the financial strain we are under and a plethora of other reasons we were just not acheiving what we set out to accomplish as husband and wife. I am upset, I am heartbroken, I feel abandoned, I'm scared to see what the future holds, I am terrified that I won't be able to support myself financially and I'm mourning the death of our marriage. For the last year since losing our baby we have been TTC again and now I have to face the fact that I'm almost 26 years old and that goal is now going to have to be pushed back even farther into the future. I'm struggling right now with my feelings of self worth and independence. I'm afraid he's going to screw me over on purpose. He tells me he loves me, he's agreed not to see anyone while we are still married... but I find that I can't trust him at all anymore. I'm in emergency mode, making sure to plan for the worst just because now I feel like I have no one I can trust to take care of me but me.
I look forward to a life that is only my own ... but I can't help but feel like we failed as a married couple. I know that by his decision to abandon me that he will be the one to stand before God and take the consequences for breaking our vows, but still I pray and ask for forgiveness for whatever it is that I didn't do to submit to my husband the way the Lord said I should and keep him happy and enthusiastic about our relationship.
I removed my "get pregnant this year" goal from this site, and left the Trying to Conceive support group. Joined the Breakups and Divorce group and have decided that "BECOME INDEPENDENT" is my new goal. I want to prove to myself that I can take care of myself and over come anything that life - - and other people - - throw at me.
I look forward to a life that is only my own ... but I can't help but feel like we failed as a married couple. I know that by his decision to abandon me that he will be the one to stand before God and take the consequences for breaking our vows, but still I pray and ask for forgiveness for whatever it is that I didn't do to submit to my husband the way the Lord said I should and keep him happy and enthusiastic about our relationship.
I removed my "get pregnant this year" goal from this site, and left the Trying to Conceive support group. Joined the Breakups and Divorce group and have decided that "BECOME INDEPENDENT" is my new goal. I want to prove to myself that I can take care of myself and over come anything that life - - and other people - - throw at me.
Replies
My heart aches for the losses you have experienced with TTC and now the current experience of losing your marriage. I am so sorry that this journey has taken such a heart breaking turn for you. There are no words to console or to fix but I am sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way.
I pray that you will find peace and that your journey will bring you to a better place. I commend you for remaining positive and for continuing to move forward, even if its in a different direction. As long as you\'re moving it means you haven\'t let the situation paralyze you.
Thinking of you and wishing I could give you a big hug!!!
I am so sorry, to go from one extremely difficult journey to another is unfathomable. You have a good outlook, and you are young. You can be independent, financially stable, stand on your own feel, happy, etc. Talk to some one- like a counselor at a college, a friend, a therapist. Don\'t bottle it all in, and you will get ideas of where to go to achieve your goals. Maybe you will find this goal setting to give you some new life and excitement. Thinking of you. If I was anywhere near TX I\'d go out for a drink or two (or three?) with you!!
The way I see it, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me (losing my child) has already happened. I took that loss hard and I mourned until I was stuck and unable to move upward. I can survive this. It\'s pushing me out of my comfort zone... but ultimately I think it will help me to grow as an individual. We aren\'t fighting, it still hurts to be in the same house as him and it hurts to think of him with another woman... but I will work past that too. I have no choice but to do so otherwise.
Thanks so much for all the concern... I\'d be totally down for hugs and or drinks lol