TOP OF THE LIST-WHAT NOT TO SAY
Hi all, I was laying here thinking about the last two weeks, the hospital, everything anyway I am not sure but I think I got the TOP OF THE LIST comments someone can say upon hearing I lost my son.
I was very upset being in the hospital to begin with, not only the pain, surgery, etc, but of course the last time I was in a hospital was when Ken went to Heaven (5months today). Of course, I talked about it constantly, even as I was coming out of the surgery and totally out of it. If a nurse came in a tech, a doctor, I was telling them or crying and my husband would tell them what had happened. Well, most of the comments were of course like the ones we all here, I'm sorry, How terrible, It must feel just horrible, I can't imagine, all of you know the comments but the one that got me and Is Totally at the Top of the List a nurse leans over in my ear and whispers:
"If it makes you feel any better, my grandson is dying".
If I could have sit up or moved or anything, I think I would have totally chocked HER and beat her up. HOW can anyone think that of someone else dying can make my loss or your loss any easier. We that have gone through this do not wish this on anyone. Talk about WHAT NOT TO SAY
I was very upset being in the hospital to begin with, not only the pain, surgery, etc, but of course the last time I was in a hospital was when Ken went to Heaven (5months today). Of course, I talked about it constantly, even as I was coming out of the surgery and totally out of it. If a nurse came in a tech, a doctor, I was telling them or crying and my husband would tell them what had happened. Well, most of the comments were of course like the ones we all here, I'm sorry, How terrible, It must feel just horrible, I can't imagine, all of you know the comments but the one that got me and Is Totally at the Top of the List a nurse leans over in my ear and whispers:
"If it makes you feel any better, my grandson is dying".
If I could have sit up or moved or anything, I think I would have totally chocked HER and beat her up. HOW can anyone think that of someone else dying can make my loss or your loss any easier. We that have gone through this do not wish this on anyone. Talk about WHAT NOT TO SAY
Replies
so true....we hear it all but that does sound WACKO....I hate that you had to hear the things that don\'t make you feel any better.....that comment tops the list for sure. Bless your sweet heart. I pray you are on your way to a full recovery from surgery and that your heart is mending daily from the grief. Love, dale...brandon\'s mom
OMG!!!!!!! you are right ,,that does top the list,,so sorry you had to hear that, rest and take care for a speedy recovery..Nora
I know what your talking about when people say things that hurt worst then if they said nothing at all...People say the darndest things, and I\'m sure after they say it, they wish it didn\'t come out the way it did... I\'m sorry you took it to heart, I understand, I also lost my son...After a while, things that people say won\'t bother you as much.. Love you, Kelly
Wow, I\'ve never heard that one before. I will tell you and I hate to admit this but in some warped way after my son died, I had a couple of instances that if another young person (whether I knew them or just read about them) died, I would feel terrible for that family, but I would also feel for a moment a tiny bit of relief, because I knew I wasn\'t the only one in the world with a broken heart at that moment. I\'m not quite sure how to explain that and I hope I don\'t sound insensitive because I certainly would never want someone else sorrow to compensate for mine but you can probably remember and still feel that you are the only one that is suffering. That is the wonderful thing about this site, we know we all suffer and we aren\'t alone in this cruel world to try to figure it out on our own. Praying you have a speedy recovery. Love to you. Robin.
Yeah. That was pretty stupid. My son was in a coma for 10 days, before he died and all the nurses were great, except one young nurse who was upset because she had to work, it was the 4th of July. I told her, too bad, MY son would never see another 4th..... Some people just have a nack. So sorry. I hope you are feeling better. Take care of yourself, please.
I have been wondering about that nurse since last night. It was a very unprofessional thing to say and I have been wondering why she would say that. Maybe it was her way of trying to reach out in her pain, to some how to connect. Maybe she did not mean it to sound like it did. Maybe it was her way of saying she understands and that she is sad too. It was highly inappropriate but maybe she did not mean bad by it. One can hope. It has to hurt to lose a grandson. Hugs.
\"It\'s for the best\" is another good one I hear. Really...\"He\'s in a better place\" isn\'t so good either. \"The suffering is over.\" OH!!! \"You knew this day would come.\" I have so many kind words to add to the list. These are some of the real stand bys that good intention folks say.
\"It\'s for the best\" is another good one I hear. Really...\"He\'s in a better place\" isn\'t so good either. \"The suffering is over.\" OH!!! \"You knew this day would come.\" I have so many kind words to add to the list. These are some of the real stand bys that good intention folks say.
\"It\'s for the best\" is another good one I hear. Really...\"He\'s in a better place\" isn\'t so good either. \"The suffering is over.\" OH!!! \"You knew this day would come.\" I have so many kind words to add to the list. These are some of the real stand bys that good intention folks say.
Well It is not the same as a child dying. But that is a good one, I had never heard that one before. The one I always thought was off the wall was \" I know just how you feel\" and they had never lost a child at all just a love one or a husband. It is not the same.
\"It\'s for the best\" is another good one I hear. Really...\"He\'s in a better place\" isn\'t so good either. \"The suffering is over.\" OH!!! \"You knew this day would come.\" I have so many kind words to add to the list. These are some of the real stand bys that good intention folks say. Can\'t seem to get the comment to load. Is FMO having some problems tonight?
Sorry for the multiple message.
That certainly takes the cake. Sometimes when people get anxious they say stupid things or maybe she was just stupid? Hugs, Inga
She\'s either at a loss for words to say and made a foolish mistake or she has the disease called \"story topping\".
Hugs, Pam
That wasn\'t at all sensitive but I\'m sure the lass didn\'t go out to hurt you intentionally (although she did) To put it away in your mind you could just try to remember that the gal tried to connect with you, not in the way you wanted though, and maybe she hadn\'t had the same experience as we all have had and responded the best she could..
I\'m so sorry it happened.
Hope your healing after the surgery is going even better than anticipated!
Take care and be good to yourself
Joan