Took Dad to ER

I really appreciate the comments on my journal.  They are very helpful and supportive and I need that. Me and Mr Now went to an out of the way MA meeting.  He's in school to be a drug and alcohol counselor and needed to attend a 12 step meeting he's never attended. It was cool to hear his own story of how mj was a problem in his teen years.  It was great to be there, and I got emotional because it's my home program and I'm not there enough, so inspired to keep coming back. I laid it out for him what I've been coming to terms with about emotional honesty with the situation, and I felt heard, and I felt a new closeness between us afterwards.  It wasn't all pretty the way it came out like difficult stuff usually happens to come out of me, but I did it. YAY.  So now we're dating instead of BF and GF - I said there was no getting-to-know-you time.  His bday party is tomorrow and I'm a little nervous.  I just told him I don't know if I can "live up" to that GF role and I need to get to know him (and him me) better.  I feel blessed to have him in my life. Today mom took doggie to the vet and dad had been in bed since yesterday afternoon.  Mom had checked on him yesterday and I feel bad we hadn't been more on top of it.  I woke to him needing to go to the ER, and I spent the day there with him and my sis and mom and niece & nephew came.  He has jaundice, anemia and hemolysis which means his blood is being broken down.  His white blood cell count is more than double at 24k.  He had the look of  blood in his urine and was weak - the Dr said that is actually the color of the bile coming out.  Apparently he had jaundice as a baby.  It was emotional as they first suspected  pancreatic cancer, which his dad died from.  They ruled that or any kind of cancer out.  He got a CAT scan and an ultra sound, and now they're waiting for the blood specialists to go over his blood tests.  It is all quite sudden and shocking and sad. I got to hear mom tell dad she loved him for the first time I think in my life, I'm quite certain.  Sad it takes this to have us appreciate someone, as it has been a difficult marriage. I'm grateful for my sobriety and that my life enabled me to be there for my dad and my family, if imperfect, at least capable. One of the ER intake nurses was from an AA meeting!  I was so happy to be recognized and recognize him, what a God Shot.  He asked if he was "one of us" or "should be" because of the look of his jaundice.  No.  He said he didn't look good.  Later I cried and thanked him for being there, that it meant a lot, and he hugged me.  I don't think I've said hi to him before if that.  But the love of the program comes through and that was major for me that God is in control and we have angel helpers all over the place. I'm sad.  I'm sad dad is sick. He turnes 65 Friday.  I'm just sad and anxious, and feeling rather helpless and shocked. Not easy to go through and what can I do but just try to be there as best I can??