too soon?...

well i wrote yesterday that i let my 15 yr old(Stephen) stay with a friend for the first time since this happened. He called at 3:30 he made it there from school, 5:00 going out for supper, 6:45 back from supper, 7:45 playing catch on concrete tennis court and fell diving for ball, 8:30 at e.r. with broke wrist and gash above eye, granted it could have been worse and boys will be boys, but if everything happens for a reason what is that saying. He's supposed to go stay at a college 2 hrs away for 5 wks this summer for extra courses how do i let him go that long when he broke his wrist in a few hours, first real injury he's ever had. How do i take it easy and slow and take time for me when there's counsling and drs for the boys, not to mention school stuff and now orthopedic drs, wrist is a fracture so lucky no surgery ect.. but still drs visits. I also got a call from Suzette's best friend Cassie(19, married with 9 mo. old that is Suzette's godson), she is preg. again, this is hard as after bloodwork was done on Suzette we found out she may have thought she was preg., there was no autopsy, just state mandated blood alcohol draw(0.0), by the time we heard this it was too late to draw more blood and there had not been enough drawn for that, corener said there was no physical signs of this but would there be if only few wks or mos, her on again off again boyfriends mom said she had told him she was the day before this happened, if so why did she not tell me!!!!, we are very close and ever since Cassie had Aaron we had teased her "no pressure but we are ready to be grandparents whenever", so why would she not have told me!!? anyway it really threw me off when Cassie called excited then upset cause i wasn't as excited as she thought i would be, she realized later why and apoligized. i still struggle with feeling the loss of a grandbaby and even if she wasn't preg. i have always looked forward to going through the preg. and delevery of my grandchildren and i mourn that also, I know this may sound sexest but that is a bond i won't have with the boys. it feels like i was overloaded yesterday.